An Average Girl

Pink Dresses

The bell rung signalling the end of my English class, and I put my light purple binder back into my Aztec backpack. Slinging it over my shoulder I made a bee line for the classroom door and meandered down the clustered halls of students rushing to lunch, in favour of the library.

Tonight was going to be a girl’s night at Christine’s house, and I wanted to get an assignment for calculus done now because I knew there would be no studying to be found when all of us got to together. Pulling a hard plastic chair out from the individual study cubicle at the back of the library, I plonked myself in it. The room was quiet, no sounds of pencils scratching against paper because not too many individuals would choose to spend their free time here on a Friday afternoon. Opening my notebook I looked at the functions I still had to integrate, and began using trigonometric substitution.

Where are you? – Matt

Our dependence on one another was getting stronger, and it’s starting to worry me. We continued to favour each other’s company over the others in the group and I’m sure they all noticed by now.

In the library, workin on my calc assignment I replied. It was lame and made me look like the ultimate nerd, but I wanted to be here right now.

Can I bother you? He was sweet that way, always asking to make sure that I was okay with everything. He never did anything that he thought might upset me without asking permission first. Even when he knew I wanted something, he would double check just to see if I had changed my mind. I never did, but he always continued to ask anyways.

Only if you want to The conversation with my father and my mother’s reaction was still bothering me. This assignment wasn’t due till next week, yet here I was attempting to get it done, using it as an excuse to avoid everyone. It’s not easy having to smile all the time in an effort to not burden them with my silly life drama, and right now Matt’s accompaniment would be a welcome distraction.

I scribbled out the answer to the first question performing the final simplification when he touched my shoulders lightly. The sudden contact in the stillness of the room caused me to jump, his hands immediately retracting from my body as I spun around to face him, my heart beat slowing at the sight of his face.

“Sorry, you startled me,” I whispered delicately in the few inches of space between us, not bothering with any further explanation.

“I can see that,” was all he said. I closed my books, shoving them aside and motioned for him to take the seat beside me. The tall wooden bookshelves stuffed to the brim with frayed novels, well used over the years, acting as barriers and hiding us from the view of prying eyes and the kind old librarian who sat perched at her desk at the front of the room.

“How was your day?” I asked trying to be polite, but the real thought that was nagging away at my mind was my mother’s face. The stern composed lifeless mask she wore made me question if she stopped loving me. I couldn’t help but think she despised me. I made her sacrifice everything she loved and cherished in exchange for what? Nothing.

“It was okay I guess,” his hushed voice mumbled not caring enough to elaborate anymore than that and I wasn't willing to pry any further. Neither of us had dared to open our mouths and rush out words to make up for the silence that was falling between us quickly like a bird free falling in the sky. But I felt comfortable in the silence, basked in it, and Matt's company's was welcoming and familiar.

“Is it okay if I kiss you right now?” my heart begged despairingly, craving his lips as a distraction from reality, knowing they had the power to let me forget even if it was just for a minute or two. His warm hands grabbed my tired face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks in compassion as they barely touched my skin. Matt leaned in closer and my eyes fluttered shut as my mind focused solely on his touch and the way he smelled. The deep scent of his cologne was divine and that first second when his lips met mine was when I completely and utterly melted.