is it....LOVE!?

Twenty four

Jake's POV

I was beginning to hate the way Rosalind made me feel, especially when she's with the boys.
She put her all into nursing them, savouring every moment and taking as much pictures as possible.
The warmth that envelopes my heart when I return from work and find them asleep on her bed...
They barely used their cots, always in Rosalind's room.

But any time she was alone, she'd be depressed, any time food was taken to her, she'd sigh deeply before eating like she had no choice.

"Is it just me or you're actually loosing weight?"
I found myself asking.

She looked up from preparing Carter's bottle then shrugged and went back to what she was doing.
I'd given the boys nurse the evening off.
I wanted to spend time with them after the busy week I had.

"Here."
Rosalind handed Crater's bottle to me.
I knew how to feed them, I was also learning how to change their diapers.
Yes. I employed a qualified nurse to help Rosalind with the boys, they could be two hands full especially since they were almost three months old.

Rob was taking up the uncle role pretty seriously though he didn't have all the time in the world, being a civil engineer kept him away but he never failed to visit whenever he had the chance. Lucy and Sam were something else, I sometimes had to drag them away from the boys especially when they were asleep.
"Oh Jake, I can't stay away, they're so cute especially in their sleep."

I watched her fix Scott's bottle silently.
"Scott prefers my milk to his bottle."

She said, taking me by surprise, she barely spoke to me or around me.
Not like she didn't talk at all, I've heard her talking to Mrs Montero, Grace, Lucy, Rob, Sam and Madeline but never to me or when she knows I'm around.
I'd once opened up to Madeline and asked her why Rosalind was so quite.

She's been like that since her father left us.
Was all I got.

"How about Carter?"
I asked, I wanted to hear her talk more.
She smiled to herself.

"Prefers his bottle."
Silence fell again.
I decided to let her be.
She walked to Scott's rocker and picked him up, his face beamed when he saw her.

"Sweetie, you have to finish your food this time."
She sat on the floor and leaned against the wall.

"Good boy."
She smiled at him as he started to suck from the bottle.

I looked down at Carter who was looking up at me like he wanted to say something and gave him my best smile.

"What happened to your dad?"
I asked before I could stop myself.
Her body went visibly rigid.
She didn't look up from Scott.
I smacked myself on the head mentally, knowing I shouldn't have asked her. It wasn't my business but dammit! I wanted to know why she was so quiet especially around me.

I watched Carter drain his bottle quietly then did the trick the pediatrician taught us.
I put the bottle on the table in front of me then I placed his head on my shoulder and started to rub his back, waiting for the burp.

These boys had me in the palm of their hands.
I didn't care if it demeaned me and the reputation I built for myself.
I wanted to be a part of their lives and help them through life.
I couldn't wait to drive them to school and resolve their little sibling fights.

"That's my baby, good boy."
Rosalind's voice drew my attention back to them she covered the now empty bottle and dropped it beside her on the floor.
She placed him on her shoulder and started to rub his back.

"Prostrate cancer."
It took me a minute to realize she was talking about her dad.
She stayed silent for a long time, I almost gave up waiting for more details.

"He didn't tell me. I'd thought he was working too hard at the office to pay his debt to BLACK DIAMOND. I didn't know he was going bankrupt. The stress wasn't good for his condition, he wouldn't rest, he wouldn't eat anything. Mirage meant a lot to him, he didn't want to lose it. Then it hit him hard enough to get him on his death bed.

I could hear the pain in her voice, the struggle.
She barely spoke about him and I knew it was hard for her to.

I took a sleeping Carter to his cot and tucked him in. Then I took Scott from her and also tucked him in.

"I vowed never to let cancer kill anyone in my family."
I wanted to hold her but I didn't know how she would react, seeing I was the one who oppressed her father.
Yes he was sick but I pushed him to his grave.

"No. I don't need your pity."
She shook her head and pushed herself to her feet. She walked out of the boys room. I took it as my cue to clean up and gather their toys.

#

I found myself pushing the door to Rosalind's room, to check on her.
I had to make sure she was alright after the way she left the boys room, she seemed upset.

I stepped into the dimly lit room, she was asleep already, her hair, a curtain of red spread over her white pillow, her long lashes touched her high cheekbones... I tore my eyes away.
My eyes fell on a book beside her.

Diary.
I didn't know people still kept paperback dairies.
Her pillow was damp, I observed.
I felt like a dick, I shouldn't have asked her about her dad.

I starred curiously at the blue book.
What did she have in there?
I shook my head to clear my thoughts, to stop myself from touching the book.
Questions burned my mind, did she write anything about me?

The reasonable Jake told the curious one to walk out of her room like a gentleman but I couldn't walk away, I could find out things she'd never confess to me even in a drunken state.

Filled with the desire to know her more, I groaned, I'd never felt this curious about anyone before.
Damn it!
I picked the book up and opened it.

Page One.
Dear dairy, I can't talk to anyone else but you.
I'm so sore right now, Jake Blackwood had his wicked way with me last night.
I couldn't stop him because I know it's part of the contract but he could've at least made it a little better, I know he can do that...