is it....LOVE!?

Forty two

Jake

She felt wonderful, laying naked half on me and the other half on her bed.
She recoiled again and I could feel it, her body was tense.

We had an argument about her turning away from me every time we made love.
I always wanted to hold her afterwards but she scampers away immediately after getting her bearings.

We don't make love Jake, we have sex.
That made me angrier.
I flipped us over, pinned her underneath me and took her again, she struggled at first but relaxed after the first few thrusts and I could tell she loved it because she came real hard.
But after that she was mad at me.

"Rose, you can't leave us now, we need you, I need you."
There! You said it, that wasn't so bad was it?
She scoffed.

"Indeed you need me, for your own selfish reasons."
Aww man! Why is she so damn difficult?
I exhaled deeply but I didn't stop rubbing her arm.

"It's not only that Rose, I don't understand me too, I'm attracted to you...but it's beyond that...I don't ummmm I.... I don't know what it is...I.... shit! I'm fucking stumbling on my damn words."

I draped my free hand over my eyes.
Jake you can't form a proper sentence?
I honestly didn't understand the way I felt, I could have other women, more experienced and more sexy at the snap of my fingers but why her?
Why did I see her in other women? Why do I always see something or someone that looked like or reminded me of Rosalind?

"I've never gone in this deep with anyone before, I don't fucking have sex without protection but with you, I can't think of anything. Please don't leave me, I'll do anything you want me to do, I'll give you whatever you want."

I shook her lightly to get her say anything, something.

"I don't want to talk to you Jake."
She drawled lazily and tried to get out of the circle of my arms but I held on tight.

"If we are going to work out, it's better we talk about it."
I couldn't believe I was the one talking.
If I was told three years back that I'd be in this position I would've sued the person.

"We? Is there a we?"
She asked, looking up at me, I could feel her eyes on my face.

"Rosalind..."
I warned, she just slapped my chest lightly and frowned back at me.

I dipped my head and licked her lips, I found myself wanting her again.
As I looked at her face, I caught her staring at me curiously, our eyes met but she didn't flinch and look away like she always does.
I found myself falling deep into the depth of her curious, wide, ocean blue eyes.

After a few seconds, she looked away and made to pull away from me.
"Where do you think you're going?"
I tightened my arms around her.

"To check on my boys."
She spat out, suddenly angry.
My brows came together in confusion, what did I do?

I reluctantly released her and watched as she got up and threw on her clothes and hurry out of the room.
Turned out I couldn't move my spine, I just laid there until sleep over took me.

#

4:51
The digital clock on the wall read.
Wow, I only managed to catch three hours of sleep, I was sure Rosalind was still asleep. I reached out, expecting to find her but I was met with a coldness that indicated she never returned to bed.

I turned on the bed lamp and found my boxer briefs. Pulling it on, I left the room to go find Rosalind.
I checked the boys room first and found her on the floor with Scott on top of her chest, a light blanket covering mostly Scott.

There was this look of pain on her face and she was mumbling something.
I sighed, bent down pulled the blanket off them and made an attempt to lift Scott from her to lay him in his cot but he wrapped her arms tight around him, her frown deepening.

I waited for a few seconds and tried again.
"Jake please, don't do this..."
I heard clearly.
Thinking she was awake, I looked up at her only to find her eyes still closed but tears slipped from the corner of her eyes down her temple and into her hair.

"Rosalind."
I tapped her arm gently.
She stirred a little and relaxed again.
I tapped her again and she slowly opened her eyes.

"What?"
She snapped.

"Let me take Scott back to bed."
She loosened her hands and they dropped at her sides.
I gently picked Scott up, careful not to wake him up.

"I need a hot shower."
I heard her say before her footsteps faded away.
She's avoiding me again but I won't have it this time around.

After adjusting the covers over Carter, I turned off the lights and followed Rosalind.
Luckily, the bathroom door was open so I took off my boxers and joined her inside.
She went stiff as I touched her.
"Jake...I uhmmm..."
I knew what she wanted to say, I ignored her and snatched the sponge from her hands.

It took her a little while to relax and let me scrub her body.
"You were sleep talking."
I broke the comfortable silence we fell into.
She tensed up immediately.

"Wanna talk about it?"
I asked softly, not wanting to upset her.
She shook her head negative.

"Okay."
I shrugged it off and proceeded to rinse her body.

She remained silent as I turned off the water, wrapped her in a towel, dried her up as thoroughly as I could, rummage through her wardrobe and got her something to wear.

"Thank you."
She whispered, got into bed and pulled the covers over her.

I only smiled and dropped a small kiss on her head.
"Jake."
She called as I turned to walk away.
I turned around, raising my brows at her.

"Uhmm...are you going to be alright?"
She pointed at my erection which I was painfully aware of.
"Yes, don't worry about it. It has a mind of it's own."

I quietly left her bedroom and returned to mine, I needed a cold mind numbing shower.
If I keep going at her, she'd keep and nurture the idea of me only being attracted to her body.

#

As day broke, I woke the boys up and with Grace's help, I bathed and fed them then I took them downstairs to play so as not to disturb their mother.
It was almost midday when she came downstairs, showered and hungry.
She barely spoke a word to me and I was forced to watch with jealously as the boys abandoned me and scrambled to her side, all their  attention on her.

I thought she had lectures by one and three on Mondays...

I watched her eat her breakfast, feeding some to the boys in small bits and listened to their conversations which mostly consists of 'I love you's from Rosalind.

"Don't you have classes this afternoon?"
I asked, successfully interrupting their kissing session.
She shrugged and turned back to the boys.
"I'm not going today."
She smiled down at Carter who just kissed her arm.

"I'm in the mood for a train ride."
She crawled to where we'd dropped their toys and picked up their train.

I couldn't help but feel ignored.
I will have her when the time is right.