At What Cost

I Want Him Back

It was late. Far too late for anyone to be awake, but there Y/n sat on her bed. She was looking out at the moonlit covered grass outside her window. With everything that had happened she found it very hard to sleep. When she did fall asleep, she was plagued by nightmares. She kept seeing Steve and Bucky die. She watched it over and over when ever her eyes closed. The image was burned in her brain, and she was certain she would never get it out.

Her gaze wandered from the window to something glistening in the corner of her room. Her eyes met Steve's shield just sitting there, looking as lifeless as she did. The moonlight reflected off the paint, causing it to shine. She looked to the three scratch marks that traveled down. Tony had said they were from someone called "Black Panther".

She just stared at it, unable to bare the emptiness in her chest. With a loud scream she picked up a pillow and threw it at the shield. It fell to the floor with a loud clatter, but Y/n didn't care. She hated looking at it. It just kept reminding her of what she had lost. She knew that Steve never left anywhere without his shield, so the fact that is was with her and not with him..... It was enough to fill Y/n with a blind rage. Every time she looked at the red, white, and blue paint she felt a piece of herself die. She kept seeing him holding it.

She saw him charging into battle with it on his arm. She saw him protecting her form danger with that shield. She saw him. And seeing him made her want to scream. It wasn't fair that this had happened to him. She knew everything he had been thru. This was the last thing he needed, and yet here she was sitting alone with his most prized possession. She wasn't sure if she could handle everything that was happening, this was all so much to process.

She stared at the fallen shield for a moment longer before turning her head away. She brought her knees up to her chest; the sound of her sheets ruffling filled the silent room. With a deep sigh she rested her head atop her knees and closed her eyes.

Fallen shield..... Just like the fallen soldier.....

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sat alone, wishing this was all a dream. Why would this happen to any of them? They were all such good friends who had gone thru so much. None of them deserved to be put thru this kind of pain. The tears flowed freely as she fell to her side, gripping at the sheets on her bed. Her cries wailed out into the cold night air outside her open window. No one could hear her, and no one could save her from the darkness that she felt.

Her eyes flew open a moment later when there was a knock at the door. She sat up and grunted in response, certain it was Tony trying to get her to eat again. "What..." She rasped; her throat still raw from screaming.

"Y/n..... It's me...."

Her head shot to the door, she could see the shadow under it from someone's feet. But it wasn't Tony's voice. She knew that voice.

Steve.

Her heart was pounding and her mind was racing. Why would he come here? Was he crazy? Did he know what Tony would do? Did he even care?