At What Cost

Never Mattered

  The moonlight shone brightly into every crack in the brick walls. A dazzling light show was seen on the cement ground as shadows danced with the light. Y/n sat on a box while she rubbed the back of her head. Her eyes darted up every now and then to see Steve speaking with Sam; who looked less the pleased. He seemed to think that Y/n had been sent as a spy to recapture everyone. Steve didn't believe him.

Sam had a huge problem with her being here, and Y/n didn't judge him for that. She knew how foolish it was for her to barge in here dressed like

Captain America. The stupidity of the plan was only just now becoming clear to her, but she hated herself for letting it happen. Sam was right to be wary of her, she had done everything in her power to look like a threat.

She overheard part of the conversation, but missed others when her head would begin to throb. She winced and held the back of her neck as a sharp pain shot down her spine. He shaky sigh released itself from her lungs as she caught the attention of a different super solider.
Bucky looked over at her as she wiped her lips free of blood, her arms shaking with every move. She looked more broken then any dame he had ever seen, but that was because she had put up a fight. She had tried to take on multiple men twice her size. It sounded like a small blonde punk he used to know.


No wonder Steve liked her.


He then turned to look up at Steve who was yelling at Sam still. Buck rolled his eyes and shook his head as his gaze went back to Y/n. She sat there in silence, her mind racing. She had finally made it here, she was with Steve, but somehow it felt wrong.

Part of her was expecting everything to go back to normal once she saw him again. As if once Steve was with her, once she had him close, the pain of everything that had happened would disappear. The fear, hurt, lies, and more would just blow away in the night breeze. She wanted that to be the case, but now that she was here she was realizing that nothing would ever be the same. This wasn't something you could just forget or push aside.

This was a war.

This was something that would always be there. It was never going away, and the lives of those involved would never be the same. She would never be the same. Her eyes looked to Steve as he crossed his arms and glared at Sam. She felt deep down that she had made a terrible decision coming here. She felt stupid for thinking that by showing up, she could make a difference. As if she was important at all.

It was that exact moment Y/n realized that she was nothing.

She never was, so why would she matter now? She had never been a real Avenger. She had never belonged with any of them. Her place was not among gods and heroes; and now she understood. The war happened without her influence. She made no difference during the fighting, and she wasn't going to make a difference after it. She was never meant to walk in the footsteps of the greats. She was meant to fall behind. She looked over at the shield on Steve's back; the same one she had tried to hold. It was never meant to be in the hands of a meaningless girl trying to stay alive. It belonged in the hands of a hero, a warrior; and she was none of these.

She ripped the gloves off her hands and rubbed her eyes. Why was she really here? Why was she doing this? Was this to help Steve, or was it a last attempt to try and mean something? It didn't matter now, because she was clear.



Y/n L/n was not fit to ware the uniform she had on.

She was not fit to love Steve Rogers.

Her body language changed as she came to grips with the fact that she didn't matter. Her heart was getting in the way once more, and it was time to put an end to this.

She stood, grabbing everyone's attention, and balled her hands into fists.

"Sam, I know you think I'm going to give you up. I know that none of you trust me right now, but you need to listen."
Steve looked at her confused, this was not how he thought she would react. She looked angry as she stood tall; she looked like a soldier. That was not the girl Steve had left behind. He soon realized how much he had hurt her. The sweet, kind, and caring girl he had known was now gone.

And it was because of him.

Everything he had told her, trusted her with, meant nothing because he had left her behind. His mind fled to the letter he had sent her, and wondered if he had over stepped his boundaries by saying what he had. He cursed himself as he sighed and looked back to Y/n.

"I didn't come here to sell you out, or to get you to come home. I came here with an escape plan."

Sam's eyes widened as he looked over at Steve.

"It was stupid of me to come barging in here dressed like something I'm not, and I see that now. But part of me felt like I could change this. Like I could reverse the damage that you all left in your wake." She sighed and swallowed the lump in her throat. She wasn't going to let her heart dictate what she did anymore. She could almost feel it harden in her chest as she stood up tall.

"It was childish and naïve of me to think I could make a difference. I now know that no matter how much I want things to go back to normal, they never can. You all made a decision, one that I wasn't a part of, and that means I can't change it. Like the dumbass I am, I came running in thinking that if I could just talk to you..." Her voice cut off as her eyes landed on Steve. Everyone in the room knew who she was really talking to. Steve's blue eyes began to fill with tears as he listened to her harsh words; about herself.

"I thought....... I thought that if I could talk with you, we could try and find a way to fix this. To bring us all back together and just carry on like we did before this......this..... Civil War..." She looked down at the helmet in her bare hands and sighed. She looked back up at Steve and her heart broke.

"Don't look at me like that..." She pleaded. Steve drew back, confused by her request. He shook his head indicating that he didn't understand, and Y/n drew in a shaky breath.

"T'Challa is waiting for my call. When I signal him, hell arrive with enough men to help scatter your team, and to bring you and Bucky to Wakanda."
There was mumbling from everyone present but Wanda stepped forwards. "You would risk your own life, to let us continue ours?" Y/n didn't respond.

"Even after all we have done?"

Y/n's head shot up and she smiled weakly. "You're my family. I would die for every one of you."

Steve smiled at her and she turned away. Bucky nodded at Y/n and she closed her eyes.

"Die for me.... Wow...." Came a voice from the back of the room. "I just met you, and tried to kill you, and now you said I'm your family? I mean wow. This...This is great. I don't think I've ever felt more loved right now." Scott smiled as he placed a hand over his heart. Y/n smiled at him but furrowed her brow.

"Who.....Who are you again?" She asked sweetly.

Sam laughed and some others snickered as Y/n looked at the man confused.

​​​​​​​"I'm Scott Lang....Antma- Oh never mind..." He sighed shaking his head and walking away.