Too Much Hate

Chapter 13

(Jen’s POV)

　

　

It had been 3 months since I lost the baby and I was depressed, angry, and missing Justin, who was away on a radio show tour AGAIN. He had been gone only a few days, but I was missing him like crazy. I was able to stay at his house, since I was so angry with Nick. I moved out, to stay with him and his mom. And at 17 I was legal to do so.

I had woken from a horrible dream one morning and I found myself in the bathroom leaning against the tub, with a small razor blade, making small cuts on my arm. I was sobbing from the pain, but the pain in my heart was so much worse I didn’t know what else to do.

When I was done, I wrapped my arm in a towel and then bandaged and threw my long sleeve shirt on again. I crawled into bed and let myself drift asleep. When I woke up I heard Justin’s voice carry through the house. OH NO, he was early. I got up and went into the bathroom, and started changing my bandages.

“Jen, what are you-” he said, coming in, ‘Oh my god. What have you done?” I had one bandage off, my arm exposed, showing the small cuts. He rushed over to me, taking me in his arms, tears in his eyes.

“Jen,” he said, “Why would you do this?” I just gripped him tight to me.

“I just want the pain to go away,” I sobbed into his chest.

“Not like this,” he said, “Jen, you could accidently kill yourself! Then what would I do?!?!?!” i just nodded.

“I’m sorry Justy,” I whispered, “I just, I don’t know how to deal with this. Sure, I was scared to have a baby, but I never wanted to lose it.”

“I know, sweetie,” he said, “But this isn’t how you deal with it! It’s not safe or good for you!”

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I don’t know what else to say.”

“Promise me, you’ll stop!” he said. I nodded, not saying anything, because I didn’t know if I could promise that. This was the only thing keeping me sane and I know he loved me and I know he was tehre for me, but cutting helped me forget, and I knew this wouldn’t be the last time.

(Justin’s POV)

I was so worried about Jen. She had taken a step I was sure she’d never take. How could I be so blind how depressed, upset, and angry she was. Was I causing this? Had I done something? Maybe if I was just home more, instead of gone so much.

I was supposed to leave that night, but I told mom to cancel everything for at least a week. I had to stay to keep an eye on her. So i fell asleep that night with her tight to my chest, afraid to let go as if she’d float away.

I woke in the morning to her lips pressed hard against mine and I slowly, and half asleep returned the kiss as my eyes slowly opened.

“Thank you,” she said, “For being here, staying with me. I’m sorry for ruining your week.”

“JJ, you are more important to me than all this right now,” I said, “I love you, and making sure your safe and healthy is more important to me right now.” We sat up slowly, me rubbing my eyes and stretching, her locking her fingers together. Then I got a brilliant idea.

“You wanna go out today?” I asked, “Just you and I, shopping. I think you need a day out.” She hadnt really gone out much in the past couple months, so I knew she needed it. Her eyes shined, excited and finally a huge smile appeared on her lips.

“Yes,” she said, ‘I’d love that.” I smiled, kissing her lips and we both got ready to go out, both of us getting showers and after we were dressed we both jsut looked at each other. She was in something so simple but she was gorgeous.

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=29321671

“You look incredible sweetie,” I whispered, kissing her lips and we walked out to my car. The day was incredible, just enjoying each other’s company, sure with cameras and annoying press, but we still managed to enjoy our day out. And for the first time in a long time we were happy. At least I thought we were happy.