Love and Trust (Camila/You)

17.

Y/n's POV

I sat there on my couch in a mess of broken picture frames, shattered vases, ripped up pictures, and empty alcohol bodies. My guitar was broken into pieces in the corner. The tv was on the ground.

It's been three weeks since Shawn's death and this is how I've been living. Sitting on my couch, staring at the wall opposite the room, drinking my sorrows away and tearing up everything.

I haven't spoken to Camila ever since I told her I hated her. I didn't mean it...I don't hate her. I wish I could apologize to her and tell her she was the only one I loved but I was so broken I couldn't even pick up my phone.

She probably hated me anyways. I broke her heart. I wouldn't blame her.

I raised the bottle of vodka up to my lips and took a swig of the alcoholic drink. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. When I closed my eyes all I saw was Shawn's bloodied body. I opened my eyes quickly and threw the bottle across the room hearing it shatter against the wall.

I sat up and ran my hands through my hair before burying my face in my hands.

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. It was so hard being here without Shawn. I needed him here. He was my best friend, my brother. With him my life was perfect. I had the perfect girl, the perfect friends, the perfect family.

But now I had no one. I had nothing but a smashed guitar and bottles of liquor. I looked up and saw my cellphone on the coffee table in front of me. I wanted to call someone. I wanted to say goodbye to someone before I made my next decision and I already had an idea of who I wanted to say goodbye to.

I reached forward and snatched my phone from the coffee table and dialed the only number I could think of. I placed my phone against my ear as it started ringing.

Heyy you've reached Camila Cabello. If I'm not answering I'm either busy watching High School Musical or ignoring you. So leave your name and number and I'll call you back later! Bye!

Then there was a beep. I took a deep breath and then I spoke.

"Uh...hey, Cam. Wow its so weird saying your name again. It's Y/n. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I don't hate you," I said, I sniffled and let out a scoff,"God I could never hate you. Even when you told me you were dating Austin after confessing your feelings for me I didn't hate you. If anything I loved you even more. Why? I don't know. I just did.

"I took my anger about Shawn's...death out on you and for that I am truly sorry. I wish I hadn't done that. If I wasn't so angry...you would still be here and I wouldn't be ready to kill myself.

"This is a goodbye message because I may dead once you finally receive this. I can't live with the guilt of knowing that since I wasn't there for my best friend he committed suicide and hurting you. God hurting you has got to be one of the stupidest things I have ever done. I can't live knowing that the only two people I had ever cared about in this shithole of a world are gone. That's why I decided to do this. I'm sorry, Camila. And I love you. I'll love you forever and always. Till the end of time. Even in the afterlife. Goodbye, Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao. I hope that when it's your time you'll have forgi,-"

Then the beep happened once again cutting me off. I closed my eyes as the tears fell from my eyes. I slowly pulled my phone away from ear and set it down on the table.

I stood up quickly and walked into my kitchen. I walked towards the counter, there sat my cellphone and a knife. I grabbed the knife, I placed it over my wrist, ready to cut as deep as possible.

It's been there since last Friday. I couldn't make up my mind. I couldn't decide if I wanted to end it all forever or not. I didn't want to hurt anyone with my death, though deep down I doubted anyone cared.

"I care," I looked up quickly and saw Shawn standing there in the doorway.

At least it looked like Shawn. But it couldn't be Shawn. Shawn was dead. I watched him die.

"You're right. I am dead," Shawn said,"But I knew you'd try something stupid like this so I decided to stay behind for a minute to stop you."

"You can't stop me! You're dead! I watched you die! I'm the reason you're dead!" I shouted at the Ghost Shawn.

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yes...I wasn't there for you...I had to go and be with Camila. I had to just leave you behind...it's my fault...I can't live with the guilt, Shawn. I can't..."

"You didn't leave me to be with just anyone. You left to to be with the woman you love. The woman that loves you. The one that makes you happy. It wasn't your fault I'm dead, Y/n. It's my own fault. I pulled the trigger. Not you. I killed myself."

"I could've stopped you," I sobbed as the tears began to fall freely.

"No you couldn't have. It was my choice. I wanted it to end that way. It was my time," Shawn said.

"Why'd you have to leave me?" I croaked out as the tears continued to fall,"I hated you...I still hate you. You left me...you left me all alone. I hate you."

"I know...I know you hate me. And I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. But you aren't alone, Y/n. You have someone who truly loves you."

Before I could speak and ask who truly loves me, I heard my apartment door slam open.

"Y/n!! Y/n!! Where are you, baby?!"

Camila! She was here in my apartment. I didn't speak though. I didn't yell out where I was. I just looked at Shawn. He smiled softly at me.

"You're in good hands now. You'll be fine. We will see each other again. I love you, Y/N/N. You were the best sister I could have ever asked for," Shawn smiled and waved. Then he slowly started fading.

"Shawn!! No! Stay! Please! I need you!"

"You'll be okay. Let Camila take care of you. She loves you and just wants what's best for you," Shawn said as he faded away until he was no longer standing in the middle of my kitchen.

I let out a sob and fell to my knees, dropping the knife from my hands. I buried my face in my hands and cried.

"Y/n," I heard Camila's voice and then hurried footsteps. I felt arms wrap around my body, I cried out and wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my face in Camila's chest.

"I'm here. I'm here," Camila whispered as ran her fingers through my hair,"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

I cried into her chest, holding onto her tightly.

"I forgive you, Y/n. I forgave you two weeks ago as soon as those words left your mouth because I knew you didn't mean them. And I'm here. I'm never letting you go. I'll be here for you as much as possible. But you're going to need some professional help, okay?" Camila spoke. I didn't answer her verbally, I just nodded. I knew I was going to need help, to talk to a therapist or something.

I couldn't get over this myself and though Camila can help me in many ways she can't help me get over this either. I needed help. And I was willing to get it.

Let her take care of you....she loves you....just wants the best for you.

I trusted Camila and I loved her. I knew to trust Shawn. So I'll get the help and I'll get better. Not only for Camila and Shawn. But also for myself.

"I love you," Camila mumbled into my hair. I didn't respond yet again but this time only because I was falling asleep. I felt my eyes slip closed and then all I saw was darkness.