Insecure - Tom Hiddleston Imagines Geared Towards Battling Insecurities

Motor Disease

Right, left, right, left, wait.

It wasn't for walking per se. That's what everyone thinks when I mutter that mantra to myself. It wasn't just about how I have to force each and every step to make sure I kept as straight as possible. It wasn't just about how I had to get tested frequently to see if my spine was starting to curve as much as my path while moving forward. It wasn't for the crutches I used to support myself, which I used rarely not because I was weak but because I was strong enough to get out my wheelchair.

It was about cutting the meat that was on my plate.

People typically don't think of motor difficulties as anything more than motor abilities. If anything, they can tell I can't go as fast or, when in the wheelchair, reach high shelves. But that's the extent of most. Some pity that I won't be able to walk down the aisle when I get married. Others think I can't swim or drive and feel bad for me that way.

But they don't understand that's more than just the ability to move one place to another is. It's the ability to be "normal" in a world that encourages and yet criticizes "abnormality." It tells only certain people to dream big, saying that only they can be who they want to be. They don't understand that this is a hidden minority, how segregation still exists in more ways than just race and gender. We don't talk about how other disabled or those with disabilities have spokespeople who bully one disability in favor of another. We don't talk about how that handicap sticker doesn't just pertain to those with a walking disability or who are walking disabled.

We don't talk about there's a difference in referring us as with a disability or a disabled person. We don't talk about what I mean when I say "we," and, if we do, sometimes it's about how I should remove myself from it; I'm still a factor and product of the society that I hate.

We don't talk about the people as themselves but only in relation to a diagnosis. We don't talk about "normal" students struggle in math or sometimes in many subjects or are super clumsy, but we talk about how "normal" people also are concerned about the way they look, and how "normal" people are bullied for being different, and how "normal" people are victims in heinous crimes and assaults, harassments, and rapes. And somehow, I'm considered in all the worse ways.

But for me, and disabled persons or TWD, why are we always labeled as the problem? Why are we some part of roaming zoo, something for people to stare at and pity? Why doesn't being in a wheelchair have the same effect as bring blonde as opposed to being brunette? Why doesn't having a learning disability have the same effect as drinking water? Why am I labeled as an outcast in a society that proclaims to be accepting to everyone?

And maybe in this, you forgot that I have a motor disease/I have motor disabled. And that's the point: we are more alike than you think. So why do you treat me like we're so different?

Why don't we talk about how we all have things we have to deal with because of a society that makes all of us the victim?

So the next time you see me out to dinner with my husband, you can stop the staring. You can stop wondering why he's with a person like me, you can stop trying to make me feel uncomfortable because you are uncomfortable. The next time you see me actually having a good time with a guy who not only sees the wheelchair but also loves the person that's in it, try not to let that be a reason why your time out was hampered. The same reason why I can't tell you how you feel, don't tell me or my husband how we should feel about each other.

Because in a world that tries to whiten out the ordeals I face alone, I found someone that brings comfort in dealing with it together.  I found someone who didn't cringe or wince when he saw me struggling to walk down the aisle.  I found someone who doesn't view me as an inconvenience but an enhancement to his life.

And probably most of all, I found someone who views me as someone who adds beauty to his life in more ways than one.