Stereo Noise

Chapter 4 - Loneliness Can Be Addicting

Songs for this chapter:

Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran

Wings by Little Mix

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*A few days later*

Zoe's POV:

It was the weekend and I had already gotten all my assessments done for next week and the week after that. I was currently on my bed with the MacBook on my crisscross lap and was scrolling through my pictures I took yesterday. I decided to go site seeing after class yesterday and I brought my camera so I could capture London's scenery. It was a picture of Big Ben surrounded by traffic and buildings, I was on the other side of River Thames so i could get a great view. When I took it there was a man with a Union Jack umbrella since it was raining, it was a beautiful pop of color to go in the photo. I closed the tab and open up the folder that said 'Seattle' on it, it was filled with pictures I took in Seattle. I clicked on the little thumbnail of one of my favorite pictures. It was lightly raining that day but it wasn't as gloomy as London when it rains; I was walking down the street to my favorite Seattle café when I saw two people. A man and woman a little older than me, they were smiling at each other and when they felt the rain droplets on their heads their smiles grew. I saw the man that was in black skinny jeans, a white shirt, and a black blazer pick the women up that was in a floral dress. His hands around her waist as he spun them around, I took this opportunity to snap a picture of them. The women's arms were out in the air and her head back, the man was smiling down at her. They were dancing in the rain, it was truly beautiful. To me it symbolized the best relationship, they looked like they were in their own world; no one judging them, no anger, no disappointment, it was just peaceful. It was just them and that's all that mattered. And that's what I wanted.

I envied them or anyone that loved someone so much that they didn't care of anything else. I tried the relationship thing but came up empty. People say there is over 7 billion people in the world and there is one person out there for you. Well there isn't one for me I guess. All that I have ever had is loneliness. I have never loved anyone in my life and there is no one that loves me either. I don't love my parents and they don't love me, all they care about it money, I never had friends in school, it was just me and loneliness. And that's what I'm used to. Every night I just lay there for a moment and think about how my life is. How your heart is so big but hollow, the hollowness comes out in veins that crawl through your body. The hollowness constricts your whole body, your bones ache, head pounds, your breathing turn into deep breathes, and your heart feels like its being ripped, beaten, stabbed, then burned.

People also say its heartbreak that is the worst feeling; people lie. The worst felling is being alone.

At least people with broken hearts had good memories, real or fake. At least they felt loved at one point, they also got to feel what it was like to love someone. A broken heart can be fixed like a broken arm can. But a paralized heart will never work again.

Loneliness can be addicting because its the only feeling I have. It's the only thing that tells me I'm still alive. I just wish I was the girl dancing in the rain...

I realize I had been crying just thinking of it, I quickly swipe the tears away and go into the bathroom to wash my face. I really need to stop think of that stuff. After washing my face I go back to my previous spot to shut off my laptop.

"Hey!" I hear behind me followed by the door closing. I turn around and see Bentley, she had just got out of class I presumed because she had her Vera Bradley bag and her camera case with her. I wish I was a major in photography.