The Ramblings Of A Pakistani Insouciant.

#13 - The One Where I Actually Talk About Something That Needs To Be Said.

#13 - The One Where I Actually Talk About Something That Needs To Be Said.

Hi there, it's Hudz again. I know, I know, you're probably pinching your arm right now asking yourself if this is real life??? Have I actually updated not once but twice in the same month????? And not just month, but the same week?????

Okay, so, this is something that everyone needs to know as I have very recently learnt it and let me just tell you knowing this is helpful for your mental health.

As you might know, I have finished my A Levels this year, and as very very selective people know, I had been having doubts as to what I want to do with my life.

I have, for as long as I can remember, wanted to be a doctor. Never known what kind of doctor, I just wanted to be able to wear a white lab coat and be all cool, it's pretty much what made me take pre med subjects.

But, halfway through my second year of A levels, Senior year for those that don't know what an A Level is, I began doubting whether I actually ever wanted to go into medicine or not.

I had by this time known that I wanted to do something that related to the brain and had thought of psychology for university, but I could never tell my mother about it easily because going from talking about medical for like eight years straight to suddenly shifting towards psychology is a pretty big change you know so I pretty much just kept quiet. I'm sure amma knew something was wrong, because soon enough, MCAT (medical college admission test) classes started up and while all my classmates started to enroll in them, I still remained hesitant.

I told amma something to the effect of me not wanting to join the classes yet because A Levels isn't over yet and I want to focus on that first. She accepted this.

But after papers ended, Ramadan started and every week, at least once, amma would ask me what it is that I wanted to do for university. I had no answer.

Then my brother, having known about me wanting to do psychology pretty much forced me to apply for it in a uni near our house, Bahria University for those of you in Karachi, and I did, and I got through the test and the interview and classes start soon but at the time I was confused as to whether it was a backup or the real deal because I was conflicted on whether I should go for medical or not.

On my birthday, after having gotten the message for the uni saying I was in, that I had cleared the interview, amma asked me if this is want to do, if I wanted to apply for medical, and finally finally I got the courage to say yes this is exactly what I want to study and no I don't want to apply medical. And do you know what she did?

She smiled. And said that's all I was waiting for.
And then went back to doing what she was doing.

So the moral of the story?
Don't be afraid to tell your parents what you want. Even if they are desi parents if you lay down your case and explain it to them, explain what you want to do and why, chances are they'll be even more understanding than my amma.

Also, don't think of yourself as a loser just because you don't know to do or how to do it. I've been there, was there for about three months and can I just say, its a horrible place to be in. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, because the self doubt is just so draining and if thats not bad enough people around you that don't know you that well will try to convince you what you're doing is a mistake and that you should stop being dramatic and irrational and just do what you said you were going to do. But thats not always possible and why the frick should they be affected by what you do with your life? People change and mostly its for the better if you can keep control of your life instead of just going along with what others say.

I am going to end by saying, if any of you are going through this or have gone through this and need someone to vent to or rant to about it, I can assure you that I have been told multiple times by various people that I am a good listener.

Bye for now!
Hudz. ❤️