Distraction

Two

"That bad?" Asked Topanga as they came back into the apartment.
"She's harsh and bony." Said Riley. "She just wanted us to leave. We told her we were concerned and that we saw the drawing and thaat only made her want us to leave more."
"Well, maybe she doesn't want you to be concerned."
"But she knows she needs us."
"Does she?"
"I'm the reason she can be herself. She's the reason I can be mine. Well, she was. But now it's Lucas and Farkle."
"And for her?"
"I don't know her friends. They don't eat in the lunch room. They're electives are different, our classes, she doesn't even have dad."
"Cory?" Cory looked back up.
"Her grades are fine."
"You have access to them?"
"I have access to all her files."
"And?"
"I only looked at her grades. I didn't want to know anything."
"What kind of stuff do they say?"
"Teacher reports. Things she's ben in trouble for-"
"You have to look!"
"Riley-"
"They give you the rights to see them. Use it." Riley was already pulling out her fathers computer and opening it at the table.
"Topnaga-"
"You said the drawing was of suicide." Cory nodded and logged on. After a few minutes it was pulled up.
"Classes- grade ten, Geometry, world histo-"
"Electives." Said Riley impatiently.
"Since then: Studio art, Photography, Studio art II, textiles, Chorus, Honors studio art, honors Photography."
"That's two a semester. She didn't sign up for a study hall?"
"She has almost all her credits filled, Riley. And she's behaved. But she's seeing the school phycologist."
"What?"
"It doesn't say why. It might not be that serious."
"Maya deals with things whether I'm there or not. There's a good reason she would agree to go."
"As I said, it doesn't say."
"I just don't want to think about this anymore."
"Maybe that's best." Said Topanga after a moment. Riley stood back up and walked off to her room feeling tired.
"You're turning your back on that starving suicidal little girl? I'm sure you wont regret that at her funereal if we're even invited. She probably has a list sitting on her desk."
"Cory, you're taking this a little far. No, I want Riley to stay away from this. I will talk to Maya. I'm not going to believe it until I see it myself." Cory stood back up.
"Okay. You do that, I'm talking to her guidance councilor and getting her in my class."
"Cory, she'll never agree to that."
"Maya has no say."
"Her guidance councilor does and she's gonna ask Maya and Maya's gonna say no."
"Not if I persuade her."
"Maya?"
"No. I'm not that good."
"You know what? Try. Just keep Riley out of this. High school stresses her enough."
"You know our daughters not gonna leave this alone."
"I do. It's just a matter of time."
-
"Maya, nice to see you." Said Topanga, greeting Maya at the door to the school as she left.
"Mrs.Matthews. It's been a while, nice to see you too."
"Let's take a walk."
"Um, shouldn't you probably be going in to do whatever you were here for?"
"I was here to talk to you."
"Uh- you-" she stumbled, trying to see why someone would care enough, also a little angry if this were about the drawing. "Why?"
"Because you look sick and sad."
"I'm neither."
"You're really thin, Maya. I don't like it. None of us do."
"That's not going to make me gain weight. And I'm really not sad."
"Well, what are you?"
"I guess I'm just.. Here."
"What's that mean?"
"I mean, sure I get sad but sometimes like right now, I just don't feel anything."
"That's worse then being sad."
"Why? There's no pain to it."
"Not to you. But to anyone else. To watch you as a mindless zombie."
"They say it's better. They don't have to worry."
"Should they?"
"No. No one should worry about me."
"How I wish that was because you were happy. But I know it's because you don't think you matter. Maya?" Maya turned her head to look at her as they walked down the sidewalk. "Tell me honestly, have you ever hurt yourself?"
"I broke my arm when I was fi-"
"No. You know what I mean."
"Why do you think people want me to have no emotion?" She asked, rhetorically.
"So you won't hurt yourself?" She nodded. "Maya." Whispered Topanga. "Oh, Maya, I'm so sorry." She shook her head.
"Why are you sorry?"
"You never deserved to end up here."
"If I didn't then why did I?"
"Why do you hate yourself so much?"
"Mrs.Matthews. Have you ever felt like doing nothing. Like you don't want to even breath but you don't want to die. Kinda like just disappearing. Or being suffocated and you don't even know by what but your brain is just to tired and fogged that you just don't have the energy to figure it out."
"I've felt like that before. Especially when I was you're age. Normally by morning it'd be gone, though."
"Well, it doesn't. 24/7. And then I dig a blade into my arm and everything just kinda subsides or gets pushed away until the blood stops flowing."
"That's... Scary. But I can kinda get what you're saying."
"I have to go. I have work."
"Why don't you live with your mom?"
"You didn't hear?"
"Nothing about her since she quit."
"Oh, well she killed herself. Bye." Just like that, Maya was around the corner and out of sight. Topangas mouth hing half open as tears began to fill her eyes for someone she hadn't spoken to in forever, for her mother, and the anger she had at what Katy had done to her daughter.