Distraction

Eleven (nosebleed)

"Hey, My." Said Lucas, entering the room. "How you feeling?" Maya shrugged, looking at her hands. Lucas pulled the chair, sitting down. "Maya. Maya look at me. I'm gonna ask you something and I'm going to know if you lie. Look at me." She did as told. "Did you try not to yell?"
"What do you mean?"
"Where you trying to let it kill you?"
"That's too painful."
"Did you try?"
"I-i don't know."
"Of course you know."
"It was like one side of me was saying yell but another part, a stronger part was saying bite your tongue. And let it happen."
"How's it stronger?"
"Both sides want me dead. One was just saying it's time."
"It's not stronger. You beat it."
"No. The pain did."
"Why'd you fade?"
"Excuse me."
"Why'd you chose to be a nobody?"
"I didn't chose that. I did chose to step back, though and that is where I ended up."
"Well, why?"
"I can't quite explain it."
"Please. I know you're weak-"
"I'm not."
"Then?"
"Fine. I chose to step back so maybe someone would notice something was wrong. But somethings always wrong with me. I don't want you to see me as needy or anything."
"I would never. You should have told us instead of taking a step back so we'd notice."
"I had no words. How do you tell people that have been fun, energetic, lovable and safe. Being with you I was always safe because no matter what happened to us, If we were together, It was okay. It was bearable. And U took a step back so you'd hear that I'd fallen out a bit and the riptide swept me up."
"Tell them what."
"Depression. Suicide. The behining of who I am now."
"The begining of that is Maya. You have parts of you and they're huge. Maybe not the wild child quite as much but your voice really is your voice right now.
"Thanks Lucas. I needed that."
"No problem."
"So what'd you get on the history paper."
"90."
"A- not bad. Was it hard."
"Fairly."
"Must be already excited for summer."
"Yep, unfortunately so far away."
"We have a vacation coming up. Lucas?"
"Ya."
"You talk about Texas. But you never talk about your family there."
"You met-"
"One person. And your parents who live here. What about the rest of your family."
"My moms side I don't know very well. They live in Tennessee. My dads, well, my grandmother passed away a few years ago. They'd had two children. My aunt never married. She was in love, though but even though he insisted, she didn't let him marry her because she didn't want him to feel tied down when she left."
"Left?"
"She died of lung cancer." There was a pause.
"I'm so sorry, Lucas."
"It's not your fault. It's no ones. Not ours. Not the doctors. It's only that we let her go so easily. It's harder then you know for me to try to have you live when as a ten year old boy I saw someone I loved want to die and though I didn't want her to go know it'd make her happy. She's missed everything that could have. I want you to be happy Maya. I want to let you go but if I do, you won't be here. I know you'll miss so much here to make you happy. I might be selfish but I need your presence. Knowing you're in the school even if you're on the other side. But it's not just selfish. If you die, you can't come back. You can't be better and happy and live life like you deserve too. Like anyone does."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Tell me what you feel. It hurts so much more not knowing. You don't have to put on a face for me, Maya. Because I know when you do. Please."
"It might have spread to my lungs."