Cowgirl Heart (First Book in Cowgirl Ways Series)

Chp.18

"It's Christmas!" The kids sang as they jumped on me and Hunter, waking us up. I let out a grunt and rolled over into Hunter. I did not want to get up.

    "Okay, okay, we're coming." Hunter said as he sat up and pushed them off of me. We heard the door shut and he let  out a sigh flopping back onto the bed and tucking me under his arm.

   "Merry Christmas." He whispered before placing a kiss in my hair. I let out a sigh and snuggled more into him.

    "Merry Christmas." I murmured into his chest. Stretching, I sat up.

The kids squeals made my day.

After we got dressed gran and gramps had to leave. As I was hugging gran, she whispered into my ear,

"You and that boy are going to be great parents one day." I smiled and blushed at the thought and pulled away.

   "Okay, bye ya'll. I love you!" I said as they got in the car. Me and Hunter walked inside to help his family pack up.

"Can I talk to you?" Bill asked as he came up to me. I gulped and nodded.

   He led me to the kitchen. "Don't you think for a moment that I like you." He growled. I nodded quickly. "I've heard about you. You just use men." He sneered. My eyes widened and I immediately took a step back.

"No sir." I said, honestly. What was his problem?

"Listen up, I know your using him. I know you don't love him." He grumbled. Tears stung my eyes. It wasn't at the fact that his words hurt me, it was just the fact that everything seems to be getting in Hunter's and I's way. They were tears of frustration.

"I love him sir." I managed to say.

"Next time I come here, I don't want to see any hint that you lived here. Your just a burden. A girl who can't take care of herself." He spat. I swallowed down tears.

   I knew he was right. All of it was right. Hunter had been through so much because of me. I knew he didn't want to get beat up. I knew he didn't want to stop traveling the circuit. But he did. He did it all for me.

     All of a sudden someone blocked my view and someone else pulled me into a hug.

   "Dad! How dare you?" Hunter yelled. That's when I realized Belle was the one who pulled me into a hug.

"Bill, why? She's such a nice girl! She hasn't hurt any of us!" Belle exclaimed.

"Great, she's turned my family against me." He growled at me. I chewed on the inside of my lip as a tear rolled down my face. He mumbled a string of names to define me as before shoving passed us.

"Bill!" Belle screamed in shock. Hunter pulled me from his mom and to him as Bill raced out the door. Belle ran to the door just as his truck peeled out of the driveway.

"I-I'm sorry." I whispered as I ran out the back door.

     I ran into the barn and sat down on a bale of hay. I started to cry. He was right I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve this. I wrapped my arms around me to keep the cold away, but to no use. Hunter had practically changed my life around and what had I done for him? Nothing. He has treated me like a queen. I'm a person with a screwed up life. What could anyone see in me?

"Amelia!" Hunter yelled through the barn. I didn't answer. "Amelia don't listen to him!" He yelled again. I huddled into the dark corner, tears still streaming down my face. I saw the familiar head poke threw the hay room door and look at me with soft, blue eyes. I gulped. He walked over and wrapped a blanket around me. He sat down next to me but didn't wrap his arm around me.

"My dad thinks that I don't need to think about love." He finally said. I nodded. "But of course, I don't listen." He whispered as he grabbed my hand. I pulled it away from him, tucking it underneath my leg.

"Amelia, I love you. I love you with my whole hear-"

    "Stop hunter." I cut him off, finally looking at him. "Just stop. Please." I said, standing up and walking a couple steps before turning back towards him, tears still running down my face.

    "What if he's right? What if I don't deserve you? I mean come on hunter, how long did you think we could keep this up? Your just playing the fact that you love me only because you feel like you have to take care of me." I rambled out my words in a stone cold voice.

     He stared at me in shock for a couple seconds before standing up, not moving any closer to me.

  "Is that what you really think? You honestly think that everything I've done for you was because I felt obliged to take care of you? That was my choice. My choice to let you move in with me. My choice to help you with family problems. I didn't have to do any of it, but I wanted to. I never once complained. Never once told you no. And you think all of this was because I felt guilty?" He asked, his eyes pleading with me. He wanted to know the truth. I sighed and bit my lip.

    "That is what I think. I've been a burden my whole life. I've been nothing but baggage to other people." I said softly. He let out an agitated sigh.

    "You believe everything bad that's happened to us is because of you!" He exclaimed, running a hand down his face.

    "Because it's true! When you first met me it was my Dad, and then all the stuff with my horse, my crazy ex boyfriend, and everything that's happened in between! It's all happened since you've brought me into your life and I'm tired of ruining it. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be so much happier with someone who loves you more than you love them. And I just..." I knew the last part wasn't true. I loved him more than he could ever possible love me, but I had to do what's best for him. Even it ends up killing me. "I just don't think I'm that person." I finished, sealing my fate. I couldn't bear to look up at him. The minute I did he would know I was lying straight through my teeth.

"Your lying Amelia. Don't lie to me." He nearly growled out.

   Dammit.

  "I'm not. You deserve more. Your father was right, I'm nothing but a burden to you." I mumbled.

    "And what about you? What do you deserve?" He asked, taking a step forward towards me. I finally looked at him, both our glossy eyes making contact.

     "I can tell you what I don't deserve and it's this." I said, motioning between us. He started to shake his head, taking steps towards me until he had a hold of my arms.

    "Please don't do this Amelia. Please sweetheart. I know you have a hard time believing it but you've done so much for me. Helped me so much. Please don't give up on us. I know we've been through a lot but I promise I've wanted to be there every step of the way. Please baby." He begged, bending down to make eye contact with me. A tear rolled down my cheek and he was quick to swipe it away.

    "I...I think it would be best if I leave." I choked out. He turned rigid. I pulled myself out of his grasp, forcing myself not to look in his eyes.

     "So for all this time you've never actually loved me? You've never truly felt any affection toward me?" His voice rose with anger. Tears started to spill more at what I was about to say. But I couldn't say it. All I could do was nod my head. I wanted to tell him I did love him. But I knew I had to leave. I knew I had to let him live a life he truly wanted. Not with some girl in his way.

     I looked at him one last time. I wish I hadn't. I single tear rolled down his cheek and my heart nearly broke.

    "Goodbye Hunter." I said softly before turning and walking away.