Cowgirl Heart (First Book in Cowgirl Ways Series)

Chp.19

Belle had already left so it was silent in the house as I packed my bags. I cried as I did. I poured out all of my energy into crying and packing. I planned on leaving in the morning since it was too late to leave now.

    I didn't know where I would go. I guess I could try and catch up to gran and gramps and go stay with them. Maybe get a job and work to save up to get a little place of my own. I would miss this place. I would miss the animals, the barn, the landscape. But most of all I'd miss him. I just couldn't let myself drag him down. I've always had self doubts. I've always felt like a burden and Hunter's dad was not the first one to tell me I was bad for him. But he was the breaking point. I loved Hunter too much to bring him down. He meant too much to me.

   I was so lost in thought I didn't hear him come stand in the doorway. I kept my back to him, the tension in the air thick. I could feel his eyes watching me like a hawk.

    "When are you leaving?" His voice was deep and gravely. 

      "In the morning as soon as I can get my trailer hooked up and trixy ready." I rushed out, refolding the shirt I had in my hands for the third time. He was silent for a couple moments.

    "I want to take you somewhere tonight. I know your gonna say no but please. Just one last time." I could hear the declaration in his voice. It was the only reason I caved.

     "Okay." I whispered, tightening my hold on my shirt. He breathed a sigh of relief.

    I walked downstairs all bundled up. It was freezing outside. He said to dress warm. He was standing by the door, dressed similarly to me. His head snapped up when he saw me coming, a certain sadness in his eyes when they met mine. Before I could say anything he opened the door, letting a gust of cold air in, and quickly walked outside. After shutting the door I followed him.

   We climbed into the side by side silently, him in the drivers seat. As we crawled out of the barnyard and onto the plowed road I couldn't help but think of all the memories on this thing. From him driving us over every inch of his property that was reachable to us falling asleep in the back, watching the stars. Every thing we did on this vehicle was romantic and it killed me to sit on it, remember all of it, and not be able to do anything about it.

   I mean I could, if I wanted to be selfish, but that's the last thing I ever wanted to be with Hunter.

  I sighed and stuffed myself lower into my jacket as he sped up, the wind whipping around us. Normally I'd be sitting in the middle, tucked up underneath his arm. Now I sat up against the door, trying to put as much space between him and that thought as possible.

  Soon enough we reached his desired location. He cut off the engine, the lights going out with it and it took me a minute to let my eyes adjust to the darkness. The land before us was practically lit up. The moon shown down on the snow, making everything clear. I realized the place.

    It sat atop a low ridge, looking down on the creek that ran through his property. You could see the mountains in the distance. It was my favorite place to come and picnic at.

   "Do you remember the first time I brought you here?" He asked, his voice breaking the silence around us. I turned to look at him but his gaze was straight ahead n

   "Yea." I knew he had more to say so I waited.

    "It was three weeks to the day since I brought you to live with me. That was my choice by the way. This had been my favorite spot and being able to share it with you made it even better. That day has become one of my favorite days you know." He glanced over at me and when he saw the confusion in my face he continued.

    "It was a beautiful day out and you looked so gorgeous. You were wearing that yellow sundress I love on you. You sat right over there, eating strawberries and when I turned to look at you I swore you were the prettiest girl I ever seen. I decided right then and there that I was gonna marry you." He said nonchalantly, finally meeting my gaze.

   My eyes widened and I became stiff. He wanted to marry me? I knew him and grandpa talked about it but I never knew he was truly serious. It had only been six months.

    "I've only been here six months." I finally spit out, voicing my thoughts. He didn't break eye contact.

    "Your right, but that has been the best six months of my entire life. I've never been so happy. I pictured us doing so many things together. But now...now I have to give it all up. And it's not even my choice." He grumbled. I frowned.

    "What do you mean not your choice?" I asked, turning to face him. He looked back out over the landscape, jaw clenched.

   "You broke up with me, you broke us up. I know your doing it to try and protect me from you. You think your some sort of monster that does nothing but bring harm to people but your not. I love you with my entire heart. You have no idea how much you've done to change my life around and I guess that's my fault." I jumped before he could say anything else.

   "Don't blame yourself it's not you-"

  "Yes it is." He cut me off. "I always told you you've done so much but I never explained. But now, now I need to explain. Before you came into the picture I was so focused on building my name, my company, my ranch that I never did anything fun. I never dated. I always worked. Once I got to where I was comfortable, I realized how lonely I was. How lonely this big spread was without someone to share it with. I started to spiral downwards as time went on. I wouldn't necessarily call it depression but it was just a gloomy time. I came home to an empty house. I left an empty house. But when you came," his voice filled with a certain softness that made my cheeks warm. " you changed everything. I had a whole different outlook after that. I finally had someone to share this all with. Someone who under stood it, understood me. Someone who knew me for me and loved me for it. Someone who was so selfless she'd give up her own happiness for someone else's." He said his last sentence with anger, his eyes finally meeting mine.

    "I don't want you to give up your happiness for mine because to be truthful, you are my happiness. I couldn't imagine life without you in it anymore. I tried to when you left the barn and I couldn't. You make me so happy and you don't even realize it." He broke, reaching over and pulling my hands into his.

  "Please. Please don't leave. You'll be hurting me more than helping me. I know you think your a burden but your not. Your far from it. I want to marry you. I want to have kids and teach them how to ride. I want to grow old with you. I want to be with you sweetheart, I love you. So so so so much."

    I didn't know what to say. My eyes were wide as I looked up at his. And within a second the floodgates opened and started pouring down my face. He dropped my hands to wipe the tears off my cheeks and before he could say anything else I catapulted myself into his arms. He didn't waste anytime pulling me close to him.

   "I'm sorry." I whispered, burying my face into the crook of his neck. He let out a laugh.

    "I've poured out my entire heart to you and I get a two word answer?" He let out a chuckle. I pulled back and pressed a light kiss to his lips.

   He pulled away and smiled.

   "That definitely makes up for it." I let out a light laugh before returning my face to the warm side of his neck. He placed a couple kisses on my head before tightening his hold on me.

   "So does that mean your staying." He asked, hope laced in his voice. I pulled away and smiled up at him.

    "Yes. I love you. Too much maybe but it's okay." I giggled leaning forward to kiss him again.

    "Never more than I love you." He whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead. We stayed like that for a couple minutes, enjoying each other's warmth and the serene stillness of the moment.

     "Your stuck with me now." I whispered. He laughed and shook his head.

     "I wouldn't want it any other way." He whispered back, sealing our deal with a kiss.

   AND THATS A WRAP