Genre: Fantasy
Chapters: Chapter 5
SoT
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I apologize beforehand for being a bit late! I had to finish the comment offline and it was a bit til I could get it out to you. :)
I. ELOCUTION
a. Major Grammar Corrections
~ "Karina struggled to keep her lips... suppressed beneath it." - The "it" you're talking about here is her lips, which is plural, so "it" should actually be "them".
b. Major Style Corrections
~ "A knife twisted into her back..." - This whole concept here has me curious. She "winces at the pain", but the phrasing (especially "twisted") implies, to me at least, that it is twisted very far into her back. However, the next sentence seems to imply that just the tip pierces her skin? This really just needs to be worded better in order to keep from seeming to contradict itself.
II. COMMENTARY
To answer your first question, there is something that stuck out to me right away. The time lapse itself was not in the wrong, but the part where she was listing who and what she was did. That feels like something you would have as the first or second chapter opener, not the fifth chapter. Does the reader not know all this by now? Is this the first time the information is being revealed to us? It felt like a speed info-dump, trying to use the moment to get some of that information out there, and info-dumping is probably not the way to do it with such sensitive-seeming information. It is hard to say for sure though what it is, with how this is the fifth chapter and we haven't read the previous ones to really know. The first line itself is a totally fine transition. Maybe just consider omitting the part about why, because you have either covered all this information in previous chapters, or if you haven't, this really isn't the right way to introduce it.
ALSO, I agree with below comments: adding in a half sentence or so about her new location could easily smooth the transition over.
Even though we're far in now and I don't know much about the characters, I didn't really like Hans much. He seemed kind of immature somehow. Maybe he was supposed to come across like that, maybe not, but I'll leave it as a simple statement of observation on my part. It also could easily just be me.
The impact of what banishment truly means for them seems to have been softened by their dialogue but, as mentioned in a below comment, that may be as a result of it simply not having emotionally set in for them. Karina seemed a bit whiny/mopey about it, but I think that isn't necessarily unwarranted and will fade into a more predicted response as the story goes on. As per the comment topic, you truly can feel Karina's internal struggle over whether to wallow or move along with Hans, and hints of future physical struggle are definitely implied.
One thing, however, that immediately piqued my interest was when they mentioned her doll, and Karina said that it was "as real as you or I". I actually am genuinely curious now about how that works, and even the relational dynamic between said doll and normal people.
Overall, there was actually surprisingly little to comment on. The grammar and style were literally almost flawless, and other than a few rough edges around the dialogue and presentation, there's hardly anything I can say to help you improve. I'm not personally a fan of the witches device so I may not be the best person to help out anyway, but it seems that you've got a pretty good fifth chapter here (from what I can tell XD).
~ Nik
