Genre: Science Fiction
Chapters: Chapter 1
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1. "Character development. Do you feel connected in any way to the characters?"
You did well with this, especially for just the first chapter. We can already slap a stereotype on Vivian, giving us a rather good picture of her right off the bat, but as mentioned in below comments, she also has already broken said stereotype and this paints a layer of realism over the informative stereotype and lays the groundwork for further development. Jared as well shows a great basic foundation for development. The way he interacts with Vivian and the way he acts at work show two separate sides of him, showing us who he is doubly fast. Fantastic job.
2. "Intensity of emotion. Does it pull you into the world that has been created?"
While not much of this seems different from the real world (that I could tell), you did do a great job of pulling us into every aspect of the drama and action without making any of it feel overly done at all. A difficult and impressive balance. My only critique might be that the dialogue in the beginning felt a bit dry and overly succinct, almost as though it were taking place between computers in a white room (definitely an exaggeration, but you get my point). That same quality becomes useful as the chapter moves from drama to action, but it is worth mentioning all the same.
3. "Interest. Does the action keep you engaged?"
You know the answer to this question. It's in my currently reading list, which almost nothing makes it into due to lack of time, so yes, I am VERY interested. :)
~ Nik
