Genre: Fantasy
Chapter: Prologue
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1. "What is your first impression of the main characters?"
Assuming the man is the MC and not the girl, my first impression is limited. I like what I have seen, but there is nothing particularly unique about him this far to cement him into my head. Then again, I wouldn't expect anything like that from a Prologue, so I don't say it's a fault, I just have little to no impression thus far.
2. "Does the narrative flow well or is there a way to improve the chapter? e.g. descriptions, setting, back story, situations"
It flowed surprisingly well, in my opinion. A pleasant surprise, that is. There were a few places midway through the chapter that had some jarring run-ons that interrupted the flow, but that was mostly it. I think I might have found it a bit more fascinating (even though that's nearly impossible, it's very interesting so far) if we could see the prisoner do something other than tap her foot and sit there. Maybe that was intended to show some part of her personality, but I was left a bit curious about how she would be behaving in that situation and other than the focus on her foot tapping and the one smile, got no real body language from her. This is indeed a nitpick, but was the only thing I could think of to possibly improve this.
3. "Is the chapter too short or does the ending scene need to be lengthened? e.g. dialogue added, actions, body language"
It did run a bit on the short side, but not so much that I would have been bothered by it or even noticed it if it hadn't been mentioned. As mentioned above, a tad more body language from the prisoner couldn't hurt, but really, this was a pretty flawless chapter.
~ Nik
