Taking It

4.1

4.1

The freshly fallen snow crunches beneath the weight of my converse covered feet as I take medium length strides towards the entrance of the hospital. My fingers curl around the strap of the insulated lunchbox, doubting how cold it actually was outside. It's moment like these, days like today, that makes me miss the cool winter that California offers but if i'm honest with myself I wouldn't go back there in a heartbeat. There's nothing for me there, everything that I could ever need as of right now is right here in Journey, despite its freezing temperatures.

The glass automatic doors slide open once i'm only three feet away. When I cross through them i'm met with a rush of heated air that sends chills across my skin beneath my winter coat—the sudden temperature change not going unnoticed.

I march pass  the waiting room and even offer a soft smile to the lady at the front desk as I head towards the elevator.

He's on the third floor, Jasmine's voice rings through my head, words still painfully clear, room 318.

I push the up button on the elevator and wait for the car to arrive. The longer I stand the easier it is for my nerves to knot up my intestines and send me back the way I originally came from. Instead of chickening out I stay rooted in place, biting down on my lower lip. Once the silver doors ding open, revealing the bland room inside, I force a foot in front of the other and cross the threshold.

I push the button for the third floor before pushing the close doors button, not wanting to give myself anymore time to escape. The doors slide close just as I release the button, trapping me inside.

My heartbeat becomes heavier as I watch the the red numbers switch on the digital screen.

He knows you're coming, the rest of her words continues, he might not say it but he'll be happy that you're there.

I don't expect Taylor to be jumping for joy when I cross the threshold of his room. I half expect him to frown and bitterly ask what I'm doing there, and as a reply I would offer what I have inside of my lunchbox as a peace offering. When Jasmine told me that sushi is his favorite food, i'm the least bit surprised seeming as it's my favorite also.

I always thought opposites attract, and for awhile it proved true for Taylor and I. I was the calm and he was storm, blowing into my life unexpectedly. To quote the amazingly talented John Green, 'if people were rain i'd be the drizzle and he'd be the hurricane.'

He once told me that he thought of himself as fire, destroying everything in his path. However he never destroyed me, not in the way that Calvin almost had. No, he brought light into my dark life and showed me that there's more to life. His favorite places became my favorite places, having seen the beauty in each and every location.

We are more a like than I originally thought and I feel like absolute shît for turning my back on the light at the end of my tunnel.

The doors ding open once again and I'm greeted by a smaller waiting room and another receptionist typing away at her computer. Taking in a deep breath I exit the elevator and begin to unzip my coat, the heat getting to me. This time I approach the lady, despite knowing the room number.

"Hi," I say with a soft smile. The lady lifts her green eyes to meet mine above her square rim glasses perched on her nose.

"How may I be of assistance?" She doesn't seem the slightest bit pleased to be helping me as she pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose, popping her gum in her mouth.

"I'm here to see Taylor Alexander." My teeth sink into my bottom lip and she sighs, typing into the computer.

"Name?"