Third Wheel

T.W/2/Hotaru's date

"Mikan. Remember that you mean everything to me, even more so than anyone else in the world."

He patted my head and I wiped my tears. "Why?" I begged and he smiled. He smiled that stupid smile on his face as he turned around. His heavy boots met the ground, pounding each time, in time with my heartbeat and it steadily increased. I screamed at him to turn around. But he didn't, he wouldn't. Mom was on her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't try to stop him.

The door expressed nothing but a bright light which entered the room and instantly disappeared.

He left.

I wipe the sweat that begins to form on my forehead. It's begun again, I just remembered something from a while ago. Something that must not be remembered nor forgotten, but I hate to have the same sensation as before. I hate to experience that same pain. Because it can never be healed.

I'm sitting up in my bed, I had dreamed of that. A time that I had forgotten until now. Why am I remembering such things? It's rare that I remember a dream at all.

"Mikan? Is everything alright? I heard some noise..." My mother comes from behind the door and mutters, her eyes drooping from lack of sleep. She must have gotten home late last night. She didn't arrive even when I went to sleep. I look at the clock and see that it's 3 in the morning.

"I just had a bad dream. Go back to sleep Mom." I pretend to yawn and lay back down. She peers at me with her brown eyes and decides. She nods and closes the door slowly.

I lay there in the darkness of my room and my eyes don't leave the spot on the wall until its time to get up.

...

I decide to wear a skirt and a plain peach-colored top with laced frills on the end of my sleeves. It's a bit chilly so I tug on a fluffy hat. The top of my nose turns red soon after I get outside. I lean down and pull my long boots up higher so it touches my knees. I comb my hair out with my fingers, then take a deep breath. I walk down the street and come face to face with Hotaru's door. Her house is three doors down from my house.

"Hold on." Hotaru growls after my fifth knock. I smile as her amethyst eyes poke through the hole on the door. "Okay, I'm done." the door creaks as she opens it and closes it.

I smile as I take a look at her. Her outfit consists of a soft scarlet, spaghetti strapped dress with a brown leather jacket. But I mostly love the way she fixed her hair. Although its slightly curly, it's incredible cute.  She really is beautiful. "You're so cute!!!" I hug her and she sighs.

"I have to dress nice for my date. You know?" She says, stating it as if she had experience and I've know for a fact that she hasn't had a boyfriend at all:D

"Hm..." I fake a smile. I lock arms with her and we walk to the station. The city buzzes with noises as we walk. It hurts my ears. I'm really not in the mood today.

Today happened to look nice. The clouds nice and fluffy, spreading out in cotton-n-candy form. The sky is nice but the hue is fading, fading. It hurts.

It even smells like vanilla or lavender. I can't tell but it smells nice. But it also hurts.

"Mikan?" Hotaru whispers as we stop at a light.

"Hn." I mutter. "I'm alright." I respond without letting her finish. 

Finally we come to a stop in front of a restaurant. I'm feeling dizzy now, but I'm determined to get through this. Once I see his face, it will all fall into place.

"You probably need some water." I can barely hear her, even though are arms are linked. It's a good thing that I'm linked to her. I would've dropped moments ago.

We sit and she says something fast, soon my head is falling on the comfy chair. The lights go out and I hear my own voice humming in total darkness.

Oh no.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

"Mahiru? What are you... ?" I stood before him. The first one and the last one that I loved. His arm snug around a girls waist. I didn't even know who that girl was.

"Mikan?! It's not what it-" I slapped him before he could finish. It's not like he needed to, I wouldn't have changed my mind either way.

I had just seen him place his lips on her, and embrace her. It'd be freaking hard to explain that, wouldn't it?

I didn't even need to ask either, but I couldn't stop my mouth. It was like I had to. In the end I was too scared. I ran away with tears in my eyes, but what hurt me the most was that I expected it. 

I wasn't a bit surprised.

Maybe it was then that I had stopped. Stopped giving a care about anything and everything. I stopped trying to deal with my problems. 

That was by the end of middle school.

I stopped pretending like I cared. I decided to tell my feelings instead. Even though no one likes it when I 'speak my mind'.

"Sakura, why don't you try dressing like a girl?" A boy asked me once. It wasn't like he was trying to hurt my feelings but I was angry.

"Why don't you try dressing like a boy then? Maybe I'll change my mind."

It made feel better anyways...

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

"Mikan?"

"Hotaru?" I mumbled. It was as if I had a hangover. Its funny because I don't even drink. "Where am I?'

"At home." She sighed. "You fainted in the restaurant and I had to drag you the whole way back here. Are you feeling better?"

I nodded as I took a bite of a strawberry by my bed. "What about your date?"

"What about it?" She frowned.

My lips quivered, "Sorry..." I hid under my blankets and she sighed again.

"I rescheduled for tomorrow. If you're find by then." I nodded and turned on my side. "Really, whats wrong with you? You never really get dehydrated like that."

"I remembered my father." I simply told her.

"What?"

"Then, at that restaurant, Mahiru came to mind."

"Is that why you've been acting weird all day?" She sighed. I could never really get tired of her sighing. In fact, it's become second-nature to me.

"Sorry... I just wanted the day to end." I honestly told her.

"Mikan." She called to me and I nodded. "Trust me."

"I'm scared." She stroked my head and laid down next to me. She hummed,

"Don't worry... about a thing... Cuz every little thing... is gonna be alright."

Then we laughed.

"No really, don't worry. It's going to be okay." She smiled. I really did like Hotaru a lot. She was the only one I could solely trust. I couldn't even trust my mother that well.

"Okay. I feel better. Why don't we go on ahead and go on that date?" I say through my hair. She stares at me and she smiles.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I respond too fast but she's already typing at her phone. I sigh quietly but I let it go. We get ready once again and head out of the house. I wear my gloves and don't link arms with Hotaru. She walks with a space in between.

It'll probably be taken by that guy. Ruka Nogi.

My chest hurts, even when I'm not running. It hurts as we approach the station once again. It's already 5 in the afternoon. I wonder how long we'll stay out. I'm not worried about it or anything but I'm not looking forward to spending the night with two guys I barely even know existed.

I don't know why but I have this crushing feeling that makes me think I'm visiting my dad or something. No, visiting my dad would be the worse.