Race Relations

The skin she's in

            Leila saw Nathaniel’s body tense. Her heart grew in speed as he turned to face her. She said nothing and waited for him to talk, but he didn’t. He simply looked at her and walked to his bedroom. Leila followed him, and her heart sunk as she saw him pull out his suitcases from the closet. He chose, she realized. He chose. And what could she do, what could she say. She watched as he threw his things violently in the suitcases without uttering a single word. And Leila stood at the door, watching, hoping the suitcase was him saying they would leave town together, he would move in with her, he would forget about his father’s threats. But she knew it was only wishful thinking. The decision had been made.

She waited until he packed all his things. And then he looked up at her; his big blue oceanic eyes engulfed her hazel ones. She wanted to understand, she really did, but her heart ached, how could he be leaving like this. After he told her that he loved her. She wanted to be okay with this, he was young, she was young, and they had life ahead of them. The problem was that Leila didn’t want to face life without Nathaniel; she couldn’t face life without Nathaniel. Before she knew it, like a marble that had been dipped in olive oil, the words slipped her lips. “Choose me” she heard herself say. “Choose me Nathaniel, I know it sounds selfish and I know that it would be scary but choose me because I cant imagine waking up and you not being there.” She continued. “You went to the Uk for a few days and I nearly died, I would die without having you with me.” She told him as she stood in the doorway of the bedroom, his shirt covering her body. Raising on the tip of her toes and falling back she told him, “So here it is, me telling you that I love you, that I cant spend a day without you, because you are the man I love and for us to leap at the chance for us to be happy; and we would be happy Nate, we would be so happy” she told him as her eyes sparked at the hope.

            She looked at Nathaniel and he stood there, his naked chest raising and falling as he looked at her. His stare seemed to engulf her as she hoped he would choose her. They could be happy together, they would be happy together. She loved this man and she hoped that he loved her as much as she did. His eyes held hers without saying a word. And then they fell and he finished on to zip his last suitcase. He grabbed the shirt and jeans that he had left for himself and dress himself before saying.

“ I wish we could do that leils, but my father is more powerful than you think. I love you and I want you to know that if I die, I will be do so being happy because I you have shown me how to love someone, unconditionally, you have taught me that people go far deeper than their skin color, you have taught me how to be a man, a true man, a lover, a best friend, and for that you will always remember you.” He told her. “Lets face it, both of us knew that this had to come to an end someday, it just so happens that someday is today. I don’t want to be the one that messes up your life Leila. You are gorgeous and you will find a man that truly deserves you, not me. But a man that will stand up for you, I don’t deserve you; I shouldn’t be with you. I’m a shitty guy that have always done what his parents expected of him.”

Leila felt the hot tears pour down her caramel face. The stabs at her heart made her weak, she felt the life being taken out her “But I don’t want any other guy, I want you” she whispered

            A knock came at the door and Leila walked to open for the bellboys that Nathaniel had called, as he was packing. She felt humiliated, and she couldn’t believe that she had placed herself out there and gotten shot down so easily by the man that supposedly loved her. She grabbed the keys to her own apartment, the bellboys came in and she went out. She cared not that the only covers that she had was of Nathaniel’s shirt that she was repulsed to wear. She pressed the floor to her own apartment. Leila felt her breath shortening, her heart beat accelerating, the past four months spent with him flashed between her eyes, the nights that they had spend in bed just holding each other, the dates, their friends that they ad made, the routines that they had establish, gone, all gone, he would be gone. She wouldn’t wake up next to him, she would never kiss him, and she would never hold him. Oh god, Oh God, she felt her heart scream, tears flooded her face, All this because of stupid pigmentation for her skin. For the first time, Leila wished she wasn’t black. She had lost him all because was black, she thought as she open the doors to her apartment. Once inside, she felt all her weight crumble underneath her until she reached the floor. She looked at her at her pigmentation with disgust. She raised her hand and looked at them, this color had prevented Nathaniel and her from being together. She cursed it, cursed that horrible skin that she was born in.

            Leila tried to raise herself up from the ground but all her life force was gone. Nathaniel had gone, and she felt empty. How could he choose such horrible family? She tried to tell herself that he was doing it for the best, for the both of us. She wouldn’t be able to live in peace if she had them as in in-laws, but she wouldn’t care, because she would have had Nathaniel. That is all she wanted, all she needed, he became a necessity just as the air she needed to breath, a hunger, just like the food that nitrified her, a thirst, just as the water needed to hydrate her. She could not feel her body. She lay on the floor, savoring each drop of painful drop of water that descended from the caramel colored skin that she loathed so. She heard her own conscious telling her, “You should have known”