When We're Both Thirty

More Insults

"Why the fuck are you staring at me right now?" Gerard asks.

"I'm trying to figure out how long it would take for all the blood to drain out of your body if I were to slit your throat," Frank replies.

"Well, we're in your kitchen. Please do, take me out of my misery."

"I make you miserable?"

"Worse than that," Gerard says.

"Good."

"Go away."

"I live here, you go away," Frank says.

"Not until we make a game plan. And also, I want you to spill on what you did to disappoint mommy dearest."

"You can pry as much as you like, I'm not going to tell you."

"So is it your job then?" Gerard asks, "It's your job that disappoints your mother?"

"Among other things," Frank replies.

"Oh what an insight on things I don't care about."

"You asked!"

"You were stupid enough to think I actually cared," Gerard replies.

"Fuck you."

"I know you want to, but we've got other things to deal with."

"You're infuriating. So what do you propose we do then? Like set each other up like mad in the hope that at least one of us can fall in love before my birthday?" Frank asks.

"That seems like the plan, yes. Only one of us has to find a guy then, because I feel like our mom's might have a thing or two to say about cheating."

"Technically that would be polyamory."

"Technically, they don't give a fuck what the proper word is. One of us has to get a guy because if one of us is in a relationship than we don't have to be in a relationship," Gerard says.

"Well that's good news for me, because we both know who's more likeable."

"Yeah, me," Gerard replies, "Why would that be good news for you then?"

"You're a fucking wanker."

Gerard pulls his eyebrows together, "Why'd you get British all of a sudden? Have you been watching too much Skins or something?"

"None of your business what I watch," Frank says.

"Is that your way of telling me that you're addicted to gay porn?" Gerard says, "and I don't mean no sexist lesbian shit, I mean 'oh I've never had sex with another guy before' who then proceeds to ride a dick like a fucking pogo stick?"

"I don't think I'm the one who just admitted to watching too much porn, Gerard," Frank says.

Gerard frowns, because that did backfire on him a little bit. He decides to shrug it off and not let it get to him. Or, more accurately, not let Frank get to him.

"My point is that we need to get this problem solved fast, and I mean fast, because if I even so much as have to go on a date with you, I will tear my hair out," Gerard says.

"Probably not a good idea, as you're not very pleasing to the eye as it is, and if you went bald you'd be even worse. People would be advised to wear horse blinders whenever having to come into close contact with you."

"The horse blinders are so they don't look straight at me and end up madly in love."

"Arrogant," Frank scoffs.