When We're Both Thirty

Stunted Conversations With Frank and Mikey, Starring Gerard Way: Part One

The last thing Gerard wants to do with his Monday morning is go out and try to find a job. The first thing he wants to do is laze around the house all day and sing along way too loud to music that will have his neighbors slamming on his door and telling him to turn it the fuck down. He can't do that though because rent is due soon and he has literally no money to pay it.

Despite his hatred for it, Gerard winds up wearing a suit that doesn't suit him in the slightest, and he has to comb his hair back and he just looks like a mess who's never used soap. He hasn't, really, but he doesn't want to look it.

So a few hours later, Gerard totally bombs an interview because he has bags under his eyes the size of carry-ons, and he just has a bad attitude in general. He doesn't think much of it, really. He makes his way to his coffee shop, pays for the drink that he really can't afford and then he sits in the back of the place doodling on the daily newspaper he picked up in the front. He draws a few mustaches and mono-brows on some politicians, and he basically acts like a six year old before his phone starts buzzing at him from his pocket.

He groans, looks down at the caller ID, and then sighs in relief when he sees that it's Mikey and not Frank.

"What do you want?" is still what he opens with when he answers the phone. No one actually talks on the phone anymore, how do you pick a phone up?

"I'm glad to hear you've retained your peachy attitude over the years," Mikey replies, "so how was your date with whoever the hell your date was with?"

"He was, like, I don't know. To be honest, we didn't talk much about him."

"What did you talk about then?"

"That's not important," Gerard says, "What the fuck do you want?"

"I would appreciate some manners, Gerard."

"Whatever do you want, darling brother?"

"I do not appreciate the sarcasm," Mikey says, "are you allergic to kindness?"

"Yes."

"Well okay. Just wanted to ask if you were doing anything tonight, but that's more of a formality than anything else, so you're showing up tonight whether you like it or not."

"How do you know I don't have things to do?" Gerard asks. Mikey snorts on the other end like he just told a joke.

"Well, Gerard. If you can come up with an excuse that I believe than I will let you ditch," Mikey dares him.

"I have to make an appearance somewhere else," Gerard says hesitantly.

"Where? A comic book addicts support group? Try again, bro."

"I have a doctor's appointment."

"No way you have an appointment that late, you don't. Try again."

"I have to slay a dragon, rescue the princess and return her to the narcissistic king in order to save my home," Gerard says.

"That is the plot of Shrek."

"It's also the plot of my life," Gerard replies.

"You're coming," Mikey tells him.

"Ugh why?"

"Because I said so."

"You're not my mom, I don't have to listen to you."

"Well no, if I were your mom, I'd make you fuck Frank, but I am above that, so all I'm asking is for you to hang out with me tonight," Mikey says.

"I'm not going to be able to argue myself out of this one am I?"