Something Beautiful

Fourteen: Misconceptions

"I would rather be adorned by beauty of character than jewels." -Plautus

This new revelation is pretty alarming to me. Something I'm gonna be honest (shocking right), and say I've never thought about. Carl's funny, attractive in his own way, and a total social butterfly. Sure he's got his quirks but they're actually pretty charming, don't get any ideas, and any girl would totally go for him... But there was always me.

Now I look back and realize I've sort of clung to Carl as that figure that kept my head above water in the large expanse of the ocean known as school. While the sharks prowled below the waters, Carl was always my life jacket. Though I still got water in my eyes, this is really figurative, he always kept me alive. Now he's finally with his own kind and I have to let him swim free. Or you know, be himself.

For some reason I feel a longing in my stomach and heart, like I'm losing something. Though I know I'm not, it's still Carl. That's just silly to think he'd just leave me like that.

"Hey," I greet him with a little smile that's taking a lot of effort to produce, he notices. Pulling me aside with concern in his eyes just like always, he leans down to my level to meet my moistening eyes.

"Elena? What's wrong?" he asks, like he doesn't know.

"Eh, I'm just- this just isn't my thing, you know? I don't really know anyone and I guess... I just don't fit in," I reveal, unsure of my words or how to put what I'm feeling. He just nods knowing exactly what I mean and pulls me in for a brief hug which makes the tears go away at least. Always does.

"Oh, Elena bear, just relax. You totally belong here, I mean if I do you sure as hell do," he stops to snort-laugh, his trademark in my opinion, then goes on to say, "just be yourself, I mean it's always been good enough for me, and look at us. We're best friends, that's gotta mean something right? And no worries if they get all jerk-ish, we're ripping out of here like a banana split, kapeesh?"

Leave it to Carl to make me feel completely and totally better. Suddenly one of the knots in my stomach is untied thus giving me new air to breath. It's like a world is lifted from my shoulders.

"Thanks Carl, but um..." I trail off a moment, biting my lip not knowing whether or not to continue. He grabs both of my shoulders, with a little shake he urges me to let it out.

"Come on, tell Dr. Carl what's wrong," he says smiling, which of course causes me to smile stupidly, it just can't be helped with this kid.

"I've sorta told a little, teeney, tiny, itsy-bitsy, fib. About... Caleb," I finally inform him, my head down and a blush hot on my neck and cheeks. Here comes Mama Carl, wait for it, wait for it...

"What was the lie?" he asks curiously, his voice nothing but sheer puzzlement. Right, he doesn't know about scene two of the diner thing. He doesn't know about my possible feelings for Caleb. He doesn't know about my detestment for this whole crowd or how much... Or how weak I am.

"I might've sorta told Annabelle that we were, kind of, dating?"

Instantly he laughs, a loud bark of a laugh that draws the attention of nearby groups and couples of people talking casually and smoking like it's going out of style. Speaking of which, I still have my cigarette clenched in my hand... do I dare? Once they others look away, he looks at me snickering now quietly.

"Seriously, Carl, I don't know what to do about it! I hate lying- you know that- but I don't know how to fix this," I'm practically whining as I plead for his master Carl ways. The dude can usually figure anything out.