Something Beautiful

Twenty-Five: Abnormalities

"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." - Sophia Loren

Carl only let me cry a short while longer before he forced me to sober up, good timing too since Caleb returned soon after my little break down. They didn't stay too long after that either and soon I was kissing them both goodbye, Caleb on the lips and Carl on the cheek.

I only stayed two more days in the hospital, then they finally thought I was well enough to return home. My dad was overjoyed to have me back in the house since he said he'd been rather lonely. I had bandages all over my face, the things I thought were scabs. Turns out I had a fractured rib and my entire body was pretty bruised up. I looked and felt a mess.

It's been about a week since I came home, so tomorrow I return to school and I'm dreading it. Why? This morning I took off my bandaids. I never thought my face could get any worse. As I sit staring the mirror, the face of the creature looking back almost frightens me. A long scar trails down my cheeck from my eye to the corner of my mouth. A few smaller ones sort of branch off the larger one all over my cheek. It doesn't hurt, it's not swollen, it's just ugly. That's what hurts the most.

Most likely, I'm being really vain right now, but I couldn't care less. I'm a monster.

The lights are off in my room and I just want to crawl into a small, lonely hole and die. I feel like I'm reaching my ropes end finally. The absolutely bottom of the loser chain and I'm not sure I can take this anymore. It was bad enough I was a loser, who was ugly and had no friends except for one lovable goofball I'm sure only put up with me.

Then I meet one guy that likes me for me and I have to ruin it by lying to him 'cause I'm too damn cowardice to deal with my problems. Now I guess it's only fair that I have a ruined face to finish the deal. I wonder what I did to deserve this? Guess I never really was thankful. Well, I was, but I just never showed it enough I suppose.

As I imagine school tomorrow it churns my stomach to the point where I need to throw up- but there's nothing to throw up, I haven't eaten since I saw my face. Total appetite killer. My dad tried to tell me it wasn't so bad, but it didn't help. Tonight I'm going to be working at the diner and I'm dreading it since I'm sure I'll run into kids from school and who knows who else.

No make up on earth could hide my shame, but it might help the scar. I layer on coat after coat of cover up and foundation and powder till my face is practically caked in the crap, but it doesn't help anything. Bitter tears overflow and flow down my face. The salty water washes away my makeup and again I'm left with a scar from night I don't remember for a reason I don't know.

Deciding I've spent enough hours sitting in the dark staring at my reflection, I reason it's about time to join the world again. After donning my lovely waitress uniform, I saunter downstairs and shove some random food down my throat, then get walking. It's chilly tonight, so I pull on my long coat that's about as long as my dress, thankfully it ties up though so I tie up tight and cross my arms. The wind is what's killing me, so as I walk my head it ducked.

The diner is only a few blocks away, but it's a ridiculous distance in this cold. Maybe I'll get lucky and the thing on my face will just freeze up and fall off. Here's hoping. Finally after a few minutes I see the diner's glowing sign in the distance and I pick up the pace. Its promises of warmth and hot tea call to me and It's as if I can't get there quick enough. I swear it might snow tonight.

At long last I reach the parking lot I know so well and scurry inside like a mouse to its hole. Once inside I cover my face inconspicuously and slip into the kitchen to hide. I hear lots of loud voices from behind me so I know the diner is packed tonight, of course. It's a cold night, we're always busy on those. People seem to like the warm food, warm temperature, and warm smiles.