Irish Daddy {nh}

{18:Window pain}

N

What felt like hours of laying beside Lena, the warmth of her body traveling over mine, only turned out to be 30 minutes of pure bliss. She absentmindedly traced random shapes on my chest, her head rested in the crook of my neck. "I probably need to head home soon" Lena whispered, her eyes fluttering closed in reluctance at the thought of getting up from our cozy embrace. I was hoping that since we pretty much had a break through in how we feel about each other, although vague, that things will start to change and I'll finally obtain something that I've set my mind to.

"Just lay here a few more minutes..." I reasoned with a heavy voice, knowing full well she will do as I say. I pulled the comforter over us, removing myself from beneath her resting head, laying on my side to stare at her while humming in a pleasant manner.

"Niall Horan," Lena began, thinking of something to add to her sentence and I had no idea what she was going to say and to the looks of it she had a hard time saying what she thought. The sound of a phone ringing stopped our moment though, making my inner self beg for her to continue and stay put as she removed herself from beneath the sheets, only clad in her undergarments. She dug around in her purse, pulling her phone from a pocket on the inside, answering the person on the other line. "Hello?....oh alright...ill be home in a bit."

She sighed, switching her phone off, with a click sound being the only noise heard as she looked over at me. "That was my mom, she wants me home."

I sighed as well, both of us wanting to stay in each other's arms. I lifted myself out of bed, boxers covering my bottom half as I made my way to Lena as she pulled on her clothes. I stopped in front of her with my arms open as she fit right into them, hugging me hard. I released her just a bit to shockingly leave a small kiss against her lips before pulling away. "See you tomorrow at school."

She smiled, leaning up to give me a quick peck before turning around, to grab her things. "See you, Niall!" And with that she left my room on this un-forgetful Tuesday night.

Once I was alone by myself, I decided to take a quick shower and head to bed. I was feeling absolutely weightless and everything was clear to me all because of Lena.
I sat under the warm water for a bit, allowing it to cascade down my body that I've grown confident about. After washing myself, I turned the faucet off and stepped from the shower grabbing a soft, white towel and wrapped it around me.

I shook my wet hair out, holding onto the place where the towel folded in on my hip. I maneuvered my way over my clothes strewn across the floor in my room, unexpectedly catching my foot on one of my sneakers and falling face first on the ground. The wind was almost knocked out of my body, as I laid there groaning on the floor in just a towel. I internally laughed at my clumsy self, rolling over onto my knees and stood up, realizing I had fallen in front of my open window and I faced palmed.

I then saw Lena's shadow appear through her curtains, only a small slither of the curtain revealed her room but not barely enough to see an entire body. What made me double take and my breathing accelerate was the silhouette of a male. I ran to the side of the window, so only my head was peeking past the frame and tried to get a much better look. Maybe it was her father, was the only reasonable explanation I could conjure up. But I knew it wasn't, my heart dropping to my stomach, the queasiness taking over as I gripped my nails onto my naked chest.

I watched with misty eyes, the burning sensation filling my facial senses were overtaking my actions. They seemed to be conversing with intensity and the male took a step forward to Lena, my Lena. I saw him through the break in the curtains for a split second and couldn't handle what I was seeing anymore when he grabbed ahold of her waist and pushed her back and out of sight.

"No....no no no." I cried, breaking down completely as I ripped my curtains shut and slid down the wall near the window frame. I cried uncontrollably at the fact that I had just confessed that I cared for her and I had hoped when she said it back it had been truthful...but she lied!

She fùcking lied.

Anger rushed through me as I stood from my position, ramming my fist through the wall, breaking the solidity as it crumbled beneath my fist. "Fuck!" I wailed, my chest being weighted down with a pain as well as my hand, the redness forming upon my battered knuckles, small cuts beginning to bleed. I kept my hand in a balled fist, slightly hitting it against the unbroken wall, my forehead leaning on the cool surface.

"No-o" I cried in a whisper, entirely defeated. Salty tears rushed down my face, filling my mouth, my nose running and mixing with the tears. The sharp intakes of breath my lungs continued to do began to hurt, but it did not match the damaged feeling I felt from the inside out. I had just taken her out for one of the best nights of my life and now everything has turned to utter shít.

Tony was right. I still remember everything he had said and I somewhat despise myself for being so caught up in a girl to realize she was just a walking betrayal. Tony's multiple less likely lies filled my head,

"-she had sèx with tons of guys in her old town, she was a sèx maniac apparently"

"Even cheated on her last boyfriend"

Another thing that made me angry with myself is that I even had the slightest suspicion that she wasn't being truthful with me when I overheard Tony and what an idiot I was to practically bow down at her feet like some fool. "I h-hate this" I cried out, running my fingers into my hair, pulling hard at the roots to stop the immense pounding in my head.

I still cared for her though, how fùcked up of me. I couldn't understand this internal conflict that was brewing inside of me. I can't bring myself to full on hate her because she changed who I was and I'm not exactly persistent on disliking it. She did show that she cared from the start of the school year, but I was stupid and naive and entirely blinded by her presence to see the real her. I had a small doubt in my head that maybe what I saw wasn't the exact actions playing out across the way inside her bedroom, but in this very moment it was all I could believe and I was sickened.

I silently cried for what seemed like ages, wishing I had someone to talk to. My mom even but I wouldn't tell her exactly everything, the only thing is she is out of town and my dad is asleep and probably wouldn't know how to help me in my horrid state. And by the time she arrived back home in a few days, I would be too pent up with my emotions I wouldn't know how to express them. I felt pathetic and broken.

I stayed on the ground by the window that night, still in my damp towel. My body sat beneath the broken wall above me, tears slowly coming to a stop on the bottom of my jawline, the puffiness of my eyes insisting me to close them fully. With a numb body and frazzled mind, I fell into a much needed slumber on the cold ground, with one last thought in mind:

I guess sometimes you aren't as important to someone as you thought you were

________________________________
ugh why do I do this to my baby Niall and myself

Well I hope y'all enjoyed and hopefully I'll get started on the next update soon.

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