Too Complicated

Chapter 57.

I hug my pillow to my chest as I wait for either Hailey or Tammy to speak. Today is Thursday, I've been absent from school for four days now and they stopped by to drop off my homework. I was going to ask why my brother couldn't have just done it, but then I realized that they haven't seen me since Sunday.

"Things are different now," Tammy starts. "Everything is whack."

I look at Hailey and she nods, looking down at her hands. "The whole school seems to be divided. All of the guys involved in the bet don't even talk to each other-"

"I don't want to talk about him." Maybe I do, but I know I shouldn't hear it. I don't want to know what he's up to. I hate that I still want to hear if he's okay and I hate that I still love him. I shouldn't.

"That's okay," Tammy smiles. "Let's talk about something else. Devon told us you were thinking of living with your dad again."

I look down.

I was. Well, I am. My mom had a sit down with me last night, Devon was present and they both expressed to me that my dad would be a good place to go. I think Devon was more into the idea than my mom.

"This place isn't good for you, Bella," he said. "I think you need to consider going back with dad."

It hurt me to admit that he was right, but that also didn't mean that I had to. It's been on my mind nonstop since it happened, but I do what I want to do. Going to my dad would be running away, hiding from the problems at hand. I've been raised better than that. I can't be a coward, I can't let people know that they hurt me.

"I don't think I'm going to go?" I tell them, playing with a thread that I successfully unleashed from its track a few days ago. It's my lucky thread.

Tammy and Hailey are quiet for a second, and when I look up at them, they're looking at each other. I know that look, they think I'm making a mistake.

"What?" I sigh, eyeing them.

"Bella," Hailey sighs. I already know what's happening. "I think it would be a good idea-"

"For who?" I shake my head. "Who would it benefit? Me? I can't go all the way to Australia, not knowing anyone and get better at the same time. I need my friends and family."

The topic is getting me upset. It's not because I know they're right, though, it's because I know the only reason I won't go to Australia is because I don't want to leave Gavin.

It's messed up. I know, I've dealt with it for a few days now. Can you blame me? I can't stop loving the first guy I've ever admitted those feelings for in five days.

"Besides," I breathe in, saying something that I haven't even fully thought about. "I'm going back to school tomorrow."

•••

Nervous? Hell yeah. Scared? Of course. Determined? Yes I am.

My mom wasn't too thrilled about me going back to school so soon, but she supported me. She also made me promise to call her if things are too bad.

Devon on the other hand said no right away. He still wants me to go live with my dad, but I told them that wouldn't be happening. I can't run away from my fears, you have to face them head on.

Granted, I doubt anyone has felt the way I have before. And I hope to god they never do. Knowing that your relationship with the guy you love so much was fake and all for a bet is probably the worst pain I'll ever feel. Regardless, I'll fight through it. It's what I do.