play pretend° taeyong

// Chapter two

I got to admit, ever since the break up, I've been l emotionally unstable. I became so fragile, all of a sudden. I would easily freak out when I'm stressed out. I would easilu cry at irrelevant things. It's just frustrating already.

I hated the impact of that particular instance did to me. Instead of me being more focused on my work, I tend to lose my control over things because of how the memories automatically replay in my head—may it be good or bad ones.

Nevertheless, I am trying my best to recover from that fall.

It's kind of weird that whenever it's midnight, I would always end up contemplating how life could have been better with him. I mean, I know I should have moved on but it's just that the wound is still fresh, festering inside me and tainting my mind. And I need to remove it out of my system.

True, life was definitely much better with him but this is the path we chose right? What else could be done? Anyways, I believe in destiny. If we were meant to be together, he'll come back. But as of now, I only have myself and my money bitches.

Mornings and nights have gone by like wind—fast and cold. And sadly, I still wait for his replies, hoping that he would reach out to me, but no. I KNOW I KNOW. I AM NAIVE. BUT LOVE MAKES YOU DO SHIT.

Four months had already passes yet he was silent as a mute. He didn't ask me how I was doing. He wasn't even posting anything in his social media account. So maybe, he could be busy as well.

I hope he's happier :) he he he

Within those two months of assuming for his return, I begin to feel exhaustion and impatience. I feel like I was just waiting for a banana fruit to grow on a vine. I am just waiting for the impossible.

"Honeeeeyyyy! Good morning!"

Harsh rays of the morning sun pierce through the fiber glass window as mother slides the curtains apart. The light penetrated directly to my face which made me half awoke.

I could feel the intense soreness of the back of my head. Shit. How is she waking up this early?

Mother then shakes my body, in attempt to wake me up and dAMN MOM THAT AIN'T HELPING. I 'VE BEEN WORKING THE WHOLE NIGHT AND YOU'RE FUCKING MAKING MY HEAD HURT.

I grabbed the blanket under my legs, covered it over my body and pulled it further to hide my head. I tossed to the other side and buried my face in beneath my pillow.

Unexpectedly, I felt a tight grip from my ankles and that's when I realize it was mom being a frantic and silly mother again.

I instinctively opened my eyes and quickly drew back my legs inside the blanket. I nimbly arise from my bed with an utterly wretched morning face whilst knitting my brows in disdain.

"Eomma! Of all days, you had to disturb my sleep on my day-off!" I explosively scowled while rubbing my knuckles onto my eyes.

She walked across the room and opened my wardrobe without saying anythin. My eyes nervously trailed her motion and I was greatly perplexed, seeing her looking through the innards of my wardrobe.

She then squints her eyes at me, all of a sudden and averted her eyes back to her front. She stands still while staring at the hanged clothes.

"Yah, eomma—"

Before I could even speak, she rummage through my clothes and it only made me even more confused of the situation. I tried to recall what day is today but couldn't think of a special occasion to be held today.

"Yes," she mumbled to herself and the rest of the words were barely audible for me. So, I jumped out of my bed and walked towards her.

"You have to look your best lady. Wear something normal—no sweatpants and sneakers. For goodness sake Hana, use the dresses we bought for you every christmas." she handed me a black off-shoulder princess-cut lace dress which had a white floral collar. I raised a brow in bafflement and she continued, "You're coming with me."

I grunt loudly as a realization kicked in. "Is it today?" I bitterly queried, wrinkling my forehead.

I return my attention back to my motherand shot her with a disdainful look. "Please let me wear a jacket."

"—a jacket is not necessary for this kind of perfect day darling." mom reprimanded, beckoning outside the window.

I squint my eyes to better see the condition outside and damn it. It's so sunny.

"Mom, you do know that our definition of a perfect weather is subjective right? My kind of perfect is rainy and cold!" but she didn't reply. She just rolled her eyes and walkes out of the place as if she didn't just ruin my motherfucking sleep.

"I am 20 and I demand my own autonomy to decide for myself!!!!!!!" I screamed. "You're 20 but you don't even act your age so move it!"

"UUUGHHHHHH!!!" I threw myself back to my comforter and just tossed and turned while enldessly groaning in frustration.

After a while of getting myself into a proper mood by noisily bemoaning for minutes and lazily shaking my legs and arms, I get up from my bed.

I look to my left and saw my utterly disgusting look. My hair was definitely messy and my eyes look swollen than the usual.

I quickly slip on my flats and hastily grabbed the comb from the table. I curtly brushed my hair while applying cologne on my clothes.

Why am I doing this again?

Oh right. I'm trying to move on.

I know it's kind of inappropriate to think that I'm using some kind of rebouns to move on from someone. But many advised me to do so.

BITCH WHY NOT TAKE THE RISK. I BADLY WANT TO MOVE ON ALREADY.

I already tried traveling but it only made me broke. I tried yoga but my instructor was so done in reprimanding me. It's not my fault I am not flexible. I also tried socializing in clubs but it only made me despise humans more. I think the only thing that was able to help me was watching Korean Dramas and binge eating.

I can no longer bear to end the day reminiscing shit and cry for no reason. It makes me even much of a loser than I usually am.

Joseph is out there and he could be enjoying his life and I can't remain stuck here in the past. I have to get out of this never ending ride. I'm getting sick of holding on to my assumptions as if their probability of being true are as hollow as zero.

Just like what I said, It's frustrating. I am tired.

"Hana!!!!" mother startlingly called out from downstairs.

"Ne!" I scoffed, curtly crashing my hair brush on the top of the table. I then abruptly stood up from where I sat and lastly took a glance of my reflection on the mirror.

You're going to move on. This is probably the worse stage you've been on your moving on process because you're desperately meeting someone.

"You can have feelings for him but just don't fall in love. Love can make.you do shit."