play pretend° taeyong

// chapter thirty eight

(an: feels)

Taeyong clutched his hand into mine with his other hand fiddling my hair. I knew this human would be soft. From the first time I felt something, I knew something was good in him. He just don't want to show it.

" Taeyong " I whispered, grinning at him.

" why did you have to keep it from me? " I asked. My voice was shaking and was about to crack. 

" It's because I wasn't ready to tell you. I knew you'd be hurt if I did " He answered as his eyes met mine " Did you really love me since the beginning? " . I replied, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. He leaned forward and his lips landed on my forehead. " That's the answer. "  I didn't bother answering him back because I was completely frozen and empty at that time. I didn't have the strength to converse either.

" Hana~I'm not getting better. but you are. And I hate it " He said. " I'll miss every single day of you getting more beautiful. " He teased, gazing upon the ceiling.

"  Stop it Taeyong--Do you even know how much I need you right now?tomorrow? everyday? SO STOP SAYING THOSE KINDS OF THINGS! if you won't then Don't let go Lee Taeyong--" I sobbed, wiping away my tears with my hand. 

" Ma~~~n. You don't know how much i want to dance with you right now. how much I want to love you till my lungs give out. how much I want to wake up every morning and make you breakfast. how much I want to take our kids to school-- " He paused, chuckling. " Man, Mianhe Hana-- Maybe meeting you wasn't one of my bests decisions"

" But we both know that all we can do now is cuddle in this haunted room " He joked.

" Hanika? Can I ask something from you? " I nodded at Taeyong and listened attentively.

" Go home and be happy-- at least in that way, I can reassure that you're fine without me " He gently ran his fingers through my hair and brushed a portion of it behind my ear.

the corner of my eye pooled with tears. I repeatedly shook my head and said " Shiro! Taeyong, please, just let me love you. You're not letting me go back there! It's lonely! it's dark! it's plain!" .

" Even until now, you're still dumb-- Hana, this-- " He points a finger to his head " This is going to forget you " 

" But this? " He took my hand and placed it against his chest " This won't ever forget you. " 

" And you-- should forget me. Both mind and heart because the longer you'll hold on, the painful it'll get. And I don't want you to suffer like I did. " 

"  And just like I did, you will be the last person to hear this thing beat like this " 

" And Hana, stop being stubborn. You're going to hurt yourself even more ""

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst into tears while resting my head on his bed. He's right. There's nothing we can do about it and I don't know what I am supposed to do after wards. Should I be happy like he told me to do so or not?

Like, how can I afford to flash a smile when every time I do so, it reminds me of him? 

" As you wish~ but promise me, you're going to look after me "

He nodded at me playfully as my heart slowly shatter into millions of pieces.

I just have to accept it even if it hurts so damn much.