play pretend° taeyong

// chapter twenty seven

Last night. Joseph sent me a message it went like this.

Psst?

Hana?

U busy?

I guess you are.

So, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. I know I was a little harsh and immature months ago and now I'm here to come clean. I'm not really going to stay here for seven years. Only a year and a half, I exaggerated it so I could surprise you. I also was not serious about having a family when I come back. like c'mon, we're going to live while we're young. I'm sorry if I didn't let you explain further and I let my pride take over me. I was being selfish, i know. and in fact, the last time I called, I was supposed to say this all to you but I guess you were busy. I bet you heard everything I said right? I'm sorry. I was just caught in the moment. Taeyong texted me about how you felt towards me and I'm guilty. Baby, can we start all over again? This time, i'm going to understand you even more, give you time, love and attention. Will you do the same too?

I understand if you're going to take time. I mean, it's not an easy decision.

But it's fine if you won't, I did a lot of stupid things. I know you and I know you hate being treated like this. But if you will, I am here, arms wide, ready to catch you again..

I didn't really reply yet...

To be honest, I'm relieved and worried at the same time. I'm glad that he has finally understood me and that our two years won't be a waste but what bothers me is that i'm not sure if I still love him.

I'm quite not sure how to respond to this.

I can't run back to Joseph's arms when i'm actually feeling things for Taeyong.

That's being unloyal. I can't dare to do that.

What confuses me the most is that why is Taeyong pushing Joseph and I?

I thought he wants me to move on and forget?

Recently, I'm again not seeing Taeyong's face.

It's just getting more often. We only have two months left and he's always gone. It's not that I want to see him, i'm just curious. The deal's not yet off but he acts as if it's all done.

If we're going to keep it like this then our remaining months would become less than a month. Time can fly so fast and unexpected.

I cannot reach his cell number and he doesn't reply my texts or answers my call.

Maybe he's annoyed.

I'm starting to act like his real girlfriend. I know that everything is scripted but there are times when I do things unconsiously.

Even though he wouldn't ask me to do this and do that, I'd just do it on my own.

I know I should have moved on already. Taeyong even personally thinks I am too shallow. I am not strong enough to stand on my own but I am also trying my best actually. It's not that easy.

forcing yourself to forget someone even though you love them?

letting go even though you still want to hold on?

it's harder than you think but Taeyong insists i could do it and In this case, I am now even having a hard time.

He wants me to get rid of Joseph but he pushes me to be with him again?

Should I be happy that joseph's reaching out?

If i choose taeyong over him, i'd be alone since he'll be gone. If i choose him over taeyong, i'd be lonely even if he's around. If i were to choose none, i'd still be on my own...