zodiac short stories

The Signs Cooking

It is the day before Thanksgiving, and the signs need to cook food for their families.

Pisces: --stirring in a pot-- SCORPIO THE COOKIES ARE BURNING

Scorpio: SHITT --runs over to the oven--

Aries: Wait, I thought you put the turkey in the oven Vigro?

Virgo: Yeah, I did.

Leo: --points to the turkey in the microwave-- ...Virgo the turkey is in microwave

Virgo: ...oh

Aries: VIRGO HOW DO FUCK UP PUTTING A TURKEY IN AN OVEN

Virgo: DON'T LOOK AT ME TAURUS IS EATING THE ENTIRE BATCH OF BROWNIES

Taurus: --sitting in the corner of the kitchen with the plate of brownies in his hand-- leave me alone

Aquarius: AND MIGHT I ADD GEMINI AND CANCER DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE A CAKE

Gemini: alright Cancer crack the eggs, then put it in with the dry ingredients

Cancer: Okay... --cracks the egg completely open, and the yolk spills on the floor

Gemini: what the FUCK CANCER

Cancer: I DONT KNOW HOW TO COOK

Aries: ...okay maybe you have a point.

Scorpio: --waving smoke away from the cookies-- Okay the cookies are slightly black (like my soul) but I think they're edible

Capricorn and Libra are sitting at the table.

Gemini: --furiously mixing in the mixing bowl-- Libra, could you offer a small bit of help?

Libra: --looks up from his phone-- oh yeah... yeah sure......

Sagittarius: LIBRA GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE AND HELP YOU TOO CAP

Capricorn: lol no

Sagittarius: --throws burnt cookies at Capricorn and Libra-- GET YOUR FAT ASSES UP

Libra: Ow! Those are hot! And burnt...

Scorpio: hey i spent a long time perfecting those cookies

Pisces: Well since you're horrible at baking, put this pot of noodles into the strainer over the sink. --gives Scorpio the strainer--

Scorpio: --pours noodles into the strainer and over the sink, and burns a bit of his arm-- BLOODY HELL WHY IS IT SO DAMN HOT

Aquarius: Heh, what an idiot --spills frosting for the cake on the floor-- FUCKK

Virgo: --trying to take the brownies from Taurus-- TAURUS LET GO OF THE BROWNIES THERE ARE ONLY TWO LEFT

Taurus: YOU CANT MAKE ME NOT DO WHAT I LOVEEEE

Gemini: Guys calm down!

Leo: Yeah! Gemini's right for once.

Aries: --looks at all the chaos that's happening-- ...how about we just not do Thanksgiving?

All look at Aries

Capricorn: That's what I've been saying from the start.

Libra: Ya ur all idiots

Cancer: --flips cake over onto the floor-- FUCK THIS CAKE

Aquarius: YEEEEAAAHHHHH

Its been a while since I've written my own of these lol

Sorry for the late upload and sorry it's so short, the next one will be way better