Twenty Days Of Moving On | ✔

20 Days Of | Goodbyes

My eyes searched for the girl with black wavy hairs in the middle of the crowd of airport. I needed to see her, maybe for last time.

I was still in the shock of her confessions. She never told me about her family much, or about her childhood. She was  reserved in that area.

And I never bothered to find out, because I fell in love with her. Not her past or future.

She never let me know about her disease. Yes, she had some panic attacks and anxiety barriers affecting her, but she always pretended to be fine.

Only if she talked to me...

I could feel her presence, she was already here, I knew.

And then I heard her gasp behind me.

"Alex." She breathed out my name with difficulty.

Everything she had wrote, washed over me with a full force as I stared at her. She was dressed in a blue sweatshirt and shorts with a pink beanie on her head.

I realised how selfish I had been. I neglected the fact that how she'd dropped her weight in these months devastatingly, her dark circles are prominent and her eyes no longer shine as much they used to when she was with me.

I made my way towards her, stood in front of her and linked our fingers together.

"Leaving something or someone behind, huh? I mused, smiling lightly at her.

I was in awe of my princess. Maybe, she didn't tell me but saving some one and yourself from your own demons requires a lot of guts. She is my strong girl.

She looked down at our joined hands and her lips quivered a little, as if she was controlling herself from bursting into tears.

"Your phone." I pulled out her phone and handed it to her.

Realisation dawned on her face and she went pale. Her eyes looked everywhere for an escape.

Did she really thought, I would stop loving her because she's schizophrenic?

I sighed and dragged her to nearest bench. We needed a nice talk.

"So you're leaving." I stated the obvious.

She was fidgeting with her fingers nervously. And that was making me nervous.

"I need to go." She whispered softly.

I shook my head. I wasn't ready to let her go. To leave her to fight everything on her own. I wanted her safe, with me.

"But you don't have to. God damn it! Why didn't you tell me sooner? We could have figured out something. I could have came with you." Frustration was creeping up in my voice. But she just smiled.

She turned her head towards me, clasping her hands around mine, and said, "because I knew, you'd try to stop me."

At that moment, I stared at her and her angelic smile. Sun rays were peeping through her flowing hairs and freckles of her cheeks were shining, making them appear like constellation in the daylight. Along with her smile, a lone tear slipped down her eyes and fell on our joined hands.

And it broke me. I didn't want our story to end with a teardrop.

"Like hell, I would. I can't let you go." I whispered before pulling her closer by wrapping my arms around her waist and rested my forehead on hers.

"If you love me, let me go." She cupped my cheeks and closed her eyes.

Before I could argue further, she continued, "I need to do this, Alex. For myself and for you. I know you love me and you'd do anything to make me stay; but please let me do this once, alone. I know people say screw what others think of you, but unless I feel better for myself, I can't just...let it go."

"How can I leave you alone to fight everything, when I don't know if you'll return to me?" I asked, my voice cracking in the end. The mere thought of her not returning would break me to no end.

"I won't make false promises, but I can promise you one thing. I won't ever forget you. To the world, you may be the one but to me Alex, you're my entire world. And I won't find myself in the end, if I'm not with you."

That was it and it only took me seconds to loose control over my emotions.

I pressed my lips on hers and moved them slowly. I wanted to tell her how much I love her. She was right, I was ready to do anything to make her stay, maybe even beg on my knees.

She kissed me back, snaking her arms around my neck and sighing sofly as my hands traced the skin from her cheeks to her neck.

There was an urgency, a desperation in our kiss. Neither of us wanted to let go, but we had to. I knew that. She won't be herself if I made her change her decision. She needs to find herself. She needs to be someone before being mine.

She pulled out softly, her lips hovering over my eyes, whispering, "I love you, always have, always will."

"I love you too." I managed to croak out somehow.

"Promise me, you'd take care of yourself, don't over drink, and you won't hold yourself back because of me. Try to meet people an maybe you'd find someone better than me. Try to move on."

Hah. Been there, done that.

"Baby, I think I've found my one. She's and she'll be everything to me. She better fix herself and come back, knowing I'll be always there for her, to hold her, to let her know that how much I love her." I told her, staring right into eyes.

That lost spark in her eyes, flamed again and she grinned from ear to ear.

"Oh...who's she you talk of?" She smiled slyly.

"Just look in my eyes, and you'd know." I grinned at her.

She threw her head back in laughter and pinched my cheeks, just like the old times. And I once again, fell in love with the melodious sound and her.

Getting up, she fixed the beanie on her head and smiled at me.

"Maybe some day, we'll meet again as the characters of a new story and write our happy ending together." She said, taking her steps back.

I was rooted to my place, too numb, too dumb to move.

"Until then," she smiled wistfully as she got closer to the entry gate and away from me.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low,
Only hate the road when you're missing home,
Only know you love her when you let her go...

"Alex." Raising her binnie, she nodded a little in acknowledgement. A sad smile on our faces and tears in our eyes, it was our time for goodbye. To let her go.

Well you see her when you fall asleep,
But never to touch and never to keep...
Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep...

"Alisha..." I murmured as I finally saw her disappear from my sight.

Sometimes, relationships aren't meant to be broken, but people holding it are.

- - -

The end? 😶

The one who knows me and my way of writing, will answer that correctly 😉