bad idea [A&A]

s i x

Austin has been blowing my phone up lately. I know he wants me back but I just can't. I really need some time for myself and I really need him to understand that. I search through to find my songbook. I open to an empty page and already I can feel the lyrics coming out of me and onto the page.

"Never known anyone like you before, Someone who could make me smile, When I'm falling down on the floor, Never laughed so hard 'till I met you, Somehow you get me when nobody else has a clue.

 It's okay to be me next to you, it feels good to be one of the two just like glue. Me and you, ooh, ooh,ooh, ooh so glad I got like a guy like you. Me and you ooh ooh, always got each other's back we do. Cause everything is a little bit better when you and me stick together, stuck on you ooh ooh me and you ooh ooh.

 More lyrics start getting on the page, and I couldn't stop, I just kept going and going. Then I feel a vibrate in my pocket, probably Austin again. I ignored the text cause I said before, I don't want to talk to him. I continue writing.  I stop writing for now because my hand is starting to cramp really bad. I put my pencil in the page, closed it and just look at the window. I turn to face my dad. How could of done this? More importantly to him. I reach to grab his hand, it was cold but not stone cold. I hold it and smiled. "Dad, I know you can't hear me but I really need to fight, I need you to fight for me cause if you pass away, then I will have nothing left, nobody else I care about, it will feel like I'm dying with me. So please live for me. I love you Dad" I kiss his forehead. I see his heart rate on the chart, he's getting calm. 

"Ally, please give me another chance. I am truly sorry about everything I done to you" I can see Austin grabbing his guitar. He starts strumming. "What are you doing Austin?" "Just listen" He begins to strum a chord. "Last summer we met, we started as friends. I can't tell you how it happened, then autumn it came, we were never the same, those nights everything felt like magic. And I wonder if you miss me too, if you don't then is the one thing I wish you knew. I think about you every moment when I open my eyes, I think about you every evening when I turn out the lights, I think about you every moment, every day of my life, you're on my mind all the time, it's true. I think about you. I think about you" He stops strumming and smiled. "Austin, you wrote that me?" "Of course I did. You're special to me and I really miss you" I smile. I walk to him and kissed him. "I missed you too" 

I woke up from the dream, maybe I do miss Austin. Maybe I should bring him back. I reach into my pocket and grabbed my phone. 

Austin. 

Hey, we need to talk. 

We do. What's up?

Can you come to the hospital?

I'm on my way. 

I smile because whatever he is doing, he stops for me. I look at my dad, he is still okay but I worry about him 24/7 because sometimes I feel like he isn't going to make it. Sometimes I feel like he is going to be okay. I hear the knocking sound of the wooden door. "Come in!" "Hey Ally" I put my hand on my father's hand. I whisper to him. "I will be right back" I smile and walk out with Austin. "I don't even know how to start" "Well for starters, I missed talking to you" I smile. "You do?" "Yeah, I do" "To be fair, I missed talking to you too" "So we're good?" "I don't know Austin, I mean what about the whole Kira thing? You know what's going to happen, she is going to get jealous and do her little jealously act in front of me, then maybe one day, I might do something that I will never do to a person" He knows that I was right because the last time Kira was in my face, I wanted to punch her. "I know, we will just have to keep our friendship a secret from her" I was confused. Why would we do that? We are friends. Shouldn't our friendship be public? Is Austin scared of Kira?  "Austin, neither of us is going to be happy doing that" "Maybe I can talk to her, figure some stuff out with her" "Austin, do you even like her still?" "Maybe. I don't know" "Maybe you should figure out what you are feeling first, then text me or give me a call cause I can't deal with the up and downs of your relationship with her" "So what are you saying?" "I'm saying that you need time to figure out your feelings and once you do, give me a call" "So we're good?" "Yeah, we are" We both smiled. He instantly pulled me in. He was holding me again like he did on the bus. I smiled. We pulled away, then I looked in his eyes, I was getting lost. Then he starts leaning. My heart was racing, my palms are sweaty, I turned my head away. "Um..so I will see you soon" "See you soon" I went back inside my father's room. Austin was about to kiss me. But why? Does HE have feelings for ME? I don't know what to think now. 

Austin was about to kiss me. But..he is dating Kira so why would he want to kiss me? I sit down and try to think about what happened. Questions start floating in my mind. I don't know if I'm ready to have a boyfriend yet, I mean after Dallas, I don't know if love is real or not. I'm just glad that Austin and I are friends again. I check the time on my phone. 2:00 pm. I grab my songbook and start writing more lyrics. 

"If you need a shoulder, you got mine. If you're ever in a pinch you know, I'd give you my very last dime. Two peas in a pod, me and you. In perfect harmony, We're bobbling our heads to the groove, it's okay to be me next to you, it feels good to one of the two. Just like glue. Me and you, ooh ooh ooh, ooh, so glad I got a guy like you, me and you ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Always got each other's back we do. Cause everything is a little bit better when you and me stick together. Stuck on you ooh ooh,ooh, ooh me and you"

My hands start cramping again. I put my pencil back in the page. So far, I finished the first verse and the chorus. I'm excited to do this song, maybe even sing it on YouTube. Maybe. I put my songbook down. I laid my head on the chair's arm and closed my eyes for a little bit. 

The questions kept circling in my head round and round. Am I good enough for Austin? Am I that horrible to him? Why do I have feelings for him? What if he doesn't like me back? What if that kiss wasn't a kiss, it was a joke to mess with me. Was Austin just messing with me? 

I need answers. 

Because if all of those questions I have in my head are true, then I don't know if I can ever trust anyone ever again.