Broken Fangirl [m.c]

Chapter Thirty

Chapters are now resumed in Eli's point of view. Back to normal.

Everything hurts. I can't believe I'm alive. I tried to act like I was fine for Michael, but God, I'm terrified. I'm so thankful that I blacked out after it hit me. I still saw the truck hit me. I saw it crash into the side of my truck, and I slid across the road and slammed into a guardrail.

I can't drive again, that's for sure. I don't even know if I'll live again. I don't want therapy, in fact, I kind of wish I would've just... never mind.

I can do this, I can get back to normal. I'm here, and I have Michael. I have my friends, oh crap.

My parents, or, Lisa and Jim. Whatever they are. I have to tell Michael now. Like, right now. Because they're on an airplane and will be here tomorrow sometime.

Okay, I'll tell him as soon as he comes back. They moved me to my new room. So I just had to wait for him to come back. Which seemed like it would be never.

God, I'm terrified of everything. The nurse knocked on the door earlier and I felt like somebody set a bomb off beside my ear. If I'm like this now, what's it going to be like later? Will I ever actually recover from this? I have no clue.

Michael finally came in, but he brought the boys in too. I don't mind, I just wanted to tell him alone. I guess they need to know too...

"Eli! Oh, God." Ashton said.

"Please don't cry, I'm fine." I said, lying through my teeth.

I'm so not okay. I'm not fine.

"You're so strong, Eli." Calum said, 'hugging' me. It wasn't actually a hug, and his hugs are the best, so that sucked. He barely touched me. Like I'm glass. I'm not, I can't even feel my fingers.

"So, I guess this makes you cooler. You're kind of a miracle." Luke said.

"Before we get all mushy gushy, my parents are going to get here soon and, well..." I paused, looking at Matt. He nodded at me. "There's something you all need to know."

I told them everything I told Matt, about my dad and mom and all that crazy childhood crap. I wasn't looking for sympathy, that's also why I never told Michael. I hated feeling vulnerable. Right now, I'm so vulnerable.

"Eli, I-" Michael started.

"Don't, just, don't. It's fine. I'm over it." I said. Not really. Once again, lying.

The nurse came in, warning everybody that visiting hours were over. Michael was allowed to stay because he's my supposed husband.

"Bye boys. I'll see you soon." I smiled.

They all left the room, leaving just Michael and I.

"Ok, cut the act. I can tell you're not okay, baby. And that's okay." He said.

"Michael, I'm okay. Really." I smiled.

"That's your fake smile. The smile you use when you're not actually happy but just want everybody to leave you alone. I know you hate feeling fragile, it's okay. We'll get you better." He smiled.

"I love you. I'm sorry." I looked down.

"Sorry for what?"

"I don't know. I don't think it was just some kind of fumes that made me crash. I heard the doctors talking earlier. They're skeptical." I sighed.

"What? What do you mean?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, and grabbed my hand.

"They think something else caused it. At first they thought I was drunk or high, but they took those tests and it all came back negative. Now they were talking about getting another head scan." I sighed.

"Wait, they're talking about something wrong with your brain? Gosh, I've known there was something messed up in your head since we met." He smirked.

"You're a jerk." I laughed.

"Hey, seriously babe. Don't stress it. I'm sure it's nothing. When you get out of here, I'm going to spend so much time with you. You'll get better. I promise." He smiled.

"Don't say that. " I sighed.

"Say what?"

"Don't say you promise. You can't say I'll get better, you don't know, maybe I'll die. Maybe I don't want to get better."

"Eli, what do you mean? You don't want to go back to normal?" He asked.

"There is no normal anymore, Michael! There is no going back! I'm afraid that the ceiling is going to collapse on me, for God's sake. It literally just happened, I'm freaking terrified beyond belief and pretending I'm okay is killing me! I just need to be left alone and sleep!" I yelled.

"Okay." He said, going out the door.

Now I really do wish I would've died in the wreck. Once a screw up, always a screw up.

---

"Go to your room, eli. Now!"

"Mommy-"

"I said now! Now you've made him mad, you're too late. Stupid kid!"

"DAD, NO!" I yelled, jolting up.

I was sweating, my heart beating out of my chest and I couldn't breathe.

"Eli? What's wrong?"

"I haven't had a nightmare like that since I was a kid." I sighed. "God, I hurt my arm when I got up like that."

"I'm sorry, I'll leave. I just couldn't sleep out there. The chairs aren't as nice as this couch."

"Michael, I'm sorry. I really am. I just don't want you to see me like this. I'm all bandaged up like an elderly woman and God, my face is probably disgusting."

"Eli, you're always beautiful. Even now. I'm your husband remember?" He laughed. "For better or for worse!"

"Shut up." I giggled. "Come lay with me."

"I'm too fat for that bed!" He laughed.

"Just get over here. I won't be able to get back to sleep unless you hold me, honestly."

"Fine." He said, laying on the edge of the bed, leaving literally a foot between us.

"Michael, seriously. I'm not going to break if you lean on me. Just don't sit on my IV line." I smiled.

He finally got closer to me, and just held me. I laid there for awhile and tried to go to sleep, but I couldn't. I thought Michael was asleep, but he started playing with my hair and singing softly.

Everything felt better for awhile. I never opened my eyes or let him know I was awake, I just rested there and enjoyed this. I missed him. I just wanted to pick him up and spend time with him... now I'm lying in a hospital bed and my friends treat me like I'm paper.

The thing is, I always was paper. But now I look like paper.

---
a/n

guys I honestly apologize for the delay and if you saw my posts on my profile you'd know i was just having a rough time, everything is ok (sorta idek) right now, I'm just hoping for the best. if you're curious, it's just emotional stuff cause yaknow hi I'm a hormonal teenager who hates everyone !2!1!2

just kidding. anyways no excuse for me I'm just really sorry but tonight I felt like writing so I did. I'm sorry it's so short but hey heads up this book is probably ending soon but don't worry there will be another. you will all hate me. anyways, more info on everything will come in later updates.

i love you all. im sorry I'm a piece of caca.