The Road Ahead (A Hunter Hayes Fanfiction, Book 4 of The Hardships Saga)

Chapter Forty-One

❝apologise (pronounced əˈpɒlədʒʌɪz or uh-pol-uh-jahyz), verb
to say sorry for something.❞

It was the start of June, and Elle was lying there, listening to Drew typing away on his laptop. Since the incident with Chad, he had been awfully quiet. She glanced over, and said, "Beanbag?"

"Mm?"

"You've been really quiet."

"Me? Nah."

"Don't lie to me."

He sighed, closing his laptop. "What do you want me to say?"

She simply looked at him. His hair was slightly messy, though straight, and he had tired bags under his eyes. He hadn't shaved in a few days, and though he didn't grow much body hair in general, he had some stubble. He wouldn't look her in the eyes, and she sighed. "Is it about Chad? When he came to... visit?"

He shrugged, playing with the bracelet on his wrist. Robin had given it to him a year ago, and it said 'Droo', with beads in his favourite colour, gold. She had told him very specifically- "I don't usually use my gold beads because they're special, but you're my favourite brother."

"Your favourite brother, huh?" asked Drew with a small laugh. "But we're not related."

"When you and Ellie get married, we will be," she had said cheerfully, before skipping away.

He wouldn't look up at Elle now, though, and kept fiddling with the bracelet. "Well?" asked Elle. "I'm not letting you not answer me."

"I'm just... I dunno. It gets to me, sometimes. When people think I'm gay."

She sighed. "I knew it. Babe, why should it matter?"

"You don't get it," he spat. "You don't know what it's like. What if, wherever you went, people called you a lesbo?"

"They don't call me lesbo," she said. "They call me a slut. A whore. I get it, Drew, I promise. You know how much hate I get on my Instagram page because I'm a famous sixteen year old?"

He didn't look up, but she saw the droplet fall onto his jeans from his eyes. "I just don't get why it affects me. I mean, why should it be an insult to be called gay?"

"You're not gay anyway, so it's fine."

He sniffled, his voice cracking. "Well, I'm not straight, either."

"Being bi isn't something you should be ashamed of," she said, softly but firmly.

"But it is. It is, and I hate it so much." He wiped his eyes, almost angrily. "You don't get it. You don't get it because you're straight, and I'm not."

"Drew-"

"Don't. Don't start telling me it's okay. I don't fit in with either group. I'm not straight enough for straights, and I'm not queer enough for gays. They say it's the LGBT community, but they completely disregard the bi people because we're just faking it, obviously. You're either gay or you're not. F*ck you if you're in between."

"Look at me, please."

He wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming. A wall of emotion that he had blocked up for Elle's sake was spilling from the corners of his eyes, and now it was consuming him. Everything, from the fear of losing Elle to something beyond their control, to the fear that he would die never achieving what he really wanted, to the eternal world of loneliness that he was doomed to after Elle was gone. She reached over and took his face in her hands, brushing his tears away with her thumb the same way he had so many times. "It's okay," she said quietly. "I promise, it's okay."