placid ↦ luke hemmings {au}

ten: fear

CHAPTER TEN:

| luke’s pov |

I consistently held myself back from telling her. Even though I knew I should push her away, I still worried about her opinion. I didn’t want her to think of me differently. It was just a minor thing, right? She didn’t need to know. She didn’t want to know.

My arms were crossed as I stared at the tiled floor of my house. I was contemplating. I was always contemplating. Ever since I met her, I felt more hesitant than before.

I didn’t know if I should talk to her, I didn’t know if I should befriend her, I didn’t know if I should tell her the truth. I just didn’t. 

Even right at this moment, I was skeptical of all my decisions. I wasn’t sure if I did the right choice of letting her in my life. I assumed I was wrong, since that was the reason why I was pondering right now. 

But I couldn’t help but think that if I didn’t help her that day… if I didn’t come back to her garden, this wouldn’t be happening. I’d just be Luke Hemmings, her neighbor. I wouldn’t need to worry about her safety.

No one would get hurt. She wouldn’t get hurt. I wouldn’t get hurt.

The sound of the faucet running was abruptly stopped. I lifted my head up to face Emma, who was wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. 

“I’m glad we’re okay,” she told me, smiling. Her eyes were still quite puffy from her crying, but she looked genuinely happy that we were finally alright.

I regret getting angry at her. It was idiotic of me to do that to someone like her; she was always there for me. She wasn’t like the others. Emma accepted me. For now, the back of my head would remind.

My fingers clenched and unclenched; I wanted her to know. But she’d stay away, I know she will. No matter how much kindness she showed me, I knew she just wouldn’t take it the way I hoped.

I nodded in agreement, finding myself at a loss of words. The newfound pain in my heart was becoming a burden. It was a heavy feeling. 

Emotions were registering in my head. Guilt, doubt, helplessness. Maybe even love. It could be any of those. I was probably disappointed in myself for presuming Emma wouldn’t understand. That she would scare away from me.

But no, it was a feeling I knew all too well.

Fear.

Author's Note: Two digits, omg. Hence, this is in Luke's point of view. (And wow, those are his thoughts.) Dedicated to lukeshemmo! Ily.