There Will Be Freedom (not mine)

28. Health

JUSTIN POV

The clear blue eyes of my daughter looked up at me from the tons of blankets that she was swaddled in. My daughter.

That was still the strangest thing I had ever said. She was mine, and I loved her. I loved them both. I didn't know how it was possible because I never felt a connection with the babies before, but with them actually here in front of me, I couldn't help it. They drew me in and captured me fully, all from being here for only six hours. Theoretically, I understood love, but I had never felt it for anyone besides Maddie. This was different. I not only wanted to protect my babies, but teach them, and care for them, and... just look at them.

All my worries and fears were still there, but I decided that they didn't matter. I was a father. There wasn't anything I could do about that. I just had to learn as I went. That I knew how to do.

Sophia was born first. The most perfect little girl ever. Once she woke up and started to move around, I realized that she was just as feisty as her brother. They both had a lot of energy and were very curious about the new world. Roman was little, but I knew he would grow. The doctor currently had him in a different room, situated in an incubator. He just needed some extra time.

They were measured and weighed. I stood by, watching everything with a close eye. I didn't like the way the nurses were being so rough.

I was still very awkward around the both of them. I couldn't hold Roman or Sophia when they were awake. It just felt weird, but I tried. I wanted to show Maddie what a good father I was, but when the babies were active, I got very concerned for their safety in my arms. Feeding was also strange. Maddie had breastfed for the first time, and the babies immediately latched on, but I felt so useless. I didn't know what to do.

And cleaning up after... they did their business wasn't an option. I could put a diaper on a watermelon and knew how to fasten the flaps onto a filled balloon without even making it squeak, but babies were real. They weren't watermelons, and they weren't balloons. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen. There was fluids coming out of every orifice, and I didn't know how to control any of it. I feared that I might need a little more training.

Maddie was currently sleeping, trying to rest up before she was assaulted by the family who had yet to see the babies. There were about fifty people in the waiting room, but I made them all postpone their visits. Maddie needed a break. She was handling this extremely well for a new mother, immediately adapting to the babies. I assumed I would get there eventually.

Sophia was wide awake, stretching her legs and pulling her arms up over her head. She was very interesting to watch. I didn't know if I should say something to her, but I assumed she was waiting to hear my voice. I realized that I wasn't the father who would coo and aw over his children unnecessarily, and that made this even more awkward. I only knew how to talk to adults.

I cleared my throat. "Hello. My name is Justin. I'm your father."

She stretched again.

"Your name is Sophia."

I wondered if she understood me. Probably not.

"Um, well you were just born and your brother is down the hall. He's okay. I checked on him, but the doctor said he needs a little more time. Don't worry."

Sophia opened her mouth and stuck her hand in.

"Your mother's name is Madeleine." I pulled out my wallet and found a picture that I kept there, showing it to Sophia. "Here she is. You look kind of like her, I guess. I'm not really sure who you look like, to be honest."