Heart of Darkness

Chapter Ten

1973

There was a frantic knock on my door, and before I could answer, the door burst open and three kids stumbled in.
"Remus's in the infirmary." They chorused, panting from the long run over here.
"Is he all right?" I asked.
They didn't know I knew, but I knew. He was a werewolf. That poor child.
"Yeah. He just got scratched up pretty bad."
"Are you telling me because you want me there?"
They nodded in unison.
"Okay." I said.
James and Sirius each grabbed one of my hands and took off running. Because, you know, running through the corridors is a very professional, teacher-y thing to do.
When we got there, Madame Pomfrey was bandaging Remus' cheek. His face brightened when he saw the boys.
"All right, mate?" Peter grinned.
Remus nodded. "Do you have my work, Professor Black?"
"Of course. Let me know when you're ready and I'll catch you up."
"Thank you."
"Sure." I smiled. "Well, I've got to do some detention with some Slytherins, I'll see you guys later. Behave, you hear? I don't want to hear any more of this shit with Severus, okay?" I looked mainly at James and Sirius.
They nodded. "Yes ma'am."
"Professor Black?" Peter asked.
"Yes sir?"
"You're Slytherin, aren't you?"
"Yes." I said.
"But you don't act like the rest. Why?"
Good question.
"Well, are you referring to the Voldemort part or the asshole part?"
"Professor." Madame Pomfrey said.
"Sorry." I said quickly. Oops.
First thing to not do as a teacher: Cuss in front of students, even if they're practically family.
"Both?" Remus asked, and the others nodded.
"Slytherin originally stood for ambition and resourcefulness, not evil. Merlin was a Slytherin. Andromeda Tonks is very nice. And Professor Slughorn's not too bad. So we're not all bad, you see? As for supporting Voldemort--"
"Don't say the name." Madame Pomfrey advised.
"Dumbledore says that fear of a name increases the fear of the thing itself. I'm not scared of him--"
"You're not scared of Voldemort?" James asked.
"Potter!" Madame Pomfrey said.
"No, I'm not. He was... I dated him, a while back--"
"You dated Voldemort?!" They all said.
"Yes, well. He wasn't Voldemort at the time. He... claims to still have feelings for me--"
"Voldemort loves you?" One said.
"You talk to him?" Another asked.
"Yes, sometimes. Not happily. He's evil."
"Did you love him?" Remus asked.
"I did, forever ago."
"But you oppose him now?"
"Yes."
"How could you fight against somebody you used to love?" Sirius asked.
My heart broke, because he was going to be fighting against his family, and he's thirteen. "Well, when they're that evil, it isn't that hard. But I have to go. If you have more questions, you can ask later." I ruffled Sirius' hair, just to mess with him. As the door closed behind me, I heard him saying I messed up his hair.
When I got to Slughorn's office, Avery and Mulciber were waiting outside. "Are you actually going to make us do this?" Avery asked.
"Yes, I am."
"But we're Slytherin." Mulciber said.
"I'm sorry, but does that mean you don't deserve discipline?"
"You're Slytherin." Avery prompted.
"I am."
"So why are you punishing us?"
"Because you cannot go around threatening Muggleborns."
"We don't." Mulciber said.
"I heard you! Get to scrubbing."
"But we're purebloods." Avery said.
"Scrub. And I expect those apology letters finished by tomorrow."
I stood by as they scrubbed the walls of the dungeons.
Times have gotten bad. These children are actively threatening and abusing Muggleborns.
An owl fluttered through the corridor and perched on my shoulder.
"Ooh, is it your boyfriend?" Avery said condescendingly as I took the letter from its talon.
"Scrub." I said.
Angelica,
I know you're angry, and I know you no longer care for me. Can we please just talk? I know you've gotten my past few letters. I just want to see you once more.
Love,
Tom
"I'll be right back." I told them. "You had best both still be here when I return, or you'll be doing this for the rest of the year."
I went into Slughorn's office, leaving the door open. This was the fifth letter today, and it had to stop.
I grabbed a quill and parchment.
Leave me alone. I can't stand to look at you. You're a monster, Tom. There are plenty of people who'd want to date the jackass trying to take over the world. Find one of them.
It made me so angry. I sent the owl down the hall as I walked back out.
I stared at the wall as the two boys worked.
Merlin, I'd kissed Lord Voldemort.
Images flashed through my mind of all the things Tom and I had done, him replaced with the monster he was now. I felt sick.
"Are you okay, Professor?" One of them asked.
"Yes, fine. I'll be right back." I said quickly, half running into Slughorn's office and into the restroom.
I was glad he had offered me use of his office. Who would've thought being a member of the Slug Club would ever come in handy?
I gasped in air, my hands gripping the edge of the sink.
I had touched that thing. I'd slept with his arms around me. He'd been in my house. I gagged.
What kind of monster was I?