You Never Cease To Amaze Me.

to be touched for the first time.

I met a man. A bad man.
Though he was good to me.

18 years old.
The streets of New York still new to me.
Desperate to make friends with anyone willing.

And you were willing.

You had looked at me as if I wasn't allowed anywhere near you.
Though you smiled at me as if I was too far away.

I had never been touched by a man.
Until then.

The first time.
Soft touches upon my skin and gentle kisses upon my heart. I was sure I had loved you then.

And after my body was yours, you laid in bed, cigarette smoke becoming our new oxygen, and I was sure this was all I got from you.

The silence nearly drove me deaf while you watched as I gathered my clothes desperately reaching for the door.

You had stopped me and beckoned me towards yourself.

"I don't love you." You laughed

"But my hand around your throat is the only necklace you're allowed to wear"

I was never fond of jewelry anyway.

I wonder what my parents would think.

They know of my orientation.
Though I believe they thought that I had always preferred women.

I'd bring home a pretty girl. My age, perhaps going to school to be a doctor.

But I had a pretty man. A college senior, who went to school because he was bored and had his parents money to spend.

I fell in love with the way you told me you loved me.

I was on the verge of unconsciousness my body lying next to yours.

"Hey, I kind of love you."
"Hi. I kind of love you too." I replied.
"Yeah, I know" you laughed.

A couple days after our feelings we're admitted, you had told me that after you graduate you were leaving New York.

I wasn't surprised.

You weren't the type to wait for your lover.

I wasn't the type to beg for a lover.

But I begged, I cried, I loved.

You were the first man I had ever loved. The first man to ever touch me in a way that made the stars shine a bit brighter.

"Don't worry baby."
"My precious angel, don't worry."
"I won't forget"

The last time.
Soft touches upon my skin and gentle kisses upon my heart. I knew I loved you then.

I was young, and in love.

With a boy. A boy. My boy.

And during that night, with every brush of a finger. I remembered.

How it felt
to be touched for the first time.

And after my body was yours for the last time you trailed kisses over my neck, gently wrapping your fingers around my throat smiling, you whispered.

"I love you. But you should go to that jewelry shop down the street."

"Maybe get yourself a new necklace."