You Never Cease To Amaze Me.

Father.

When I was a kid I never had anything to present at show and tell.
So one day after the kid finished talking about his spider man watch I showed everyone my bruises.

I was proud of them because no one else showed theirs off.
I was sure mine were the gnarliest. 
I thought everyone had them.
I thought it was normal.
It was only normal to me.

When I was a kid my father used my arm as an ashtray. As if the fire from his cigarette could could burn away my attraction to boys. I hadn't yet told him I liked girls and boys but he knew. He knew.

He knew that I was struggling.
He knew he hurt me, that's exactly the why he did it.
My misery brought him pleasure.
My cries where music to his ears.
I can bet you millions that he will throw a party on the day of my funeral.

When I was a kid my father used my chest as a wall. He wouldn't leave a hole in the wall but a hole in my heart.

When I was a kid I cried myself to sleep and I guess I thought that if I cried enough then I might drown.
Keep in mind that I was a child.
Drowning didn't sound so bad to me at the age of six.
Sixteen years later and it still doesn't.

When I was a kid I wanted my father to be proud of me.
To brag about me with his coworkers.
He didn't.
I'm pretty sure all of his friends didn't even know he had a son.

When I was a kid my father never told me he loved me.
He told me I was nothing.
At least he wasn't a liar.