craving - n.j.h

fifteen

"Ella?" I heard Niall's voice say from the other side of the door as he knocked lightly again.

I inhaled a deep breath and managed to swallow my hysterical sobs for a couple of seconds. I am not letting him know that i've cried more than he saw a while ago. It will make me look weak, and he'll probably just take advantage of that and spit rude comments at me to make me feel even more fragile.

"Fuck off Niall!" I sobbed, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

I was sitting on the floor leaning up against the wall in the corner of the little office trying to isolate myself from everybody else. The night when that brunette tried to rape me was playing over and over in my head, and i could not seem to think of anything else nor could I stop crying.

Niall was quiet. Is he still there?

Since he didn't say anything for a couple of minutes it was obvious he had walked away. I let myself sob violently again, not holding anything back. Once again my sobs filled the small room and I covered my face with my palms.

My heart was pounding so fast and my hands started to shake. I have used all of my energy on crying, and I have no power or will left to do anything else.

"Stop crying." I whispered to myself.

"Open the door, Ella." A voice ordered. Niall's voice. He never left.

My body tensed as I abruptly inhaled a sharp breath when I heard him speak.

He's been standing there on the other side of that door, listening to me whilst I cried.

"Why would I?" I questioned doing everything in my power to hold my sobs back.

"It was not a goddam question, open the door." He said harshly and I reluctantly stood up from my spot on the floor next to the sofa and walked over to the door.

I exhaled in an unsuccessful attempt to calm myself down and opened the door for him. It was barely open before he pushed it open and took a step toward me. His eyes met mine and his features imediately softened. Now he's seen my red and tired eyes, my rosy and splotchy cheeks and my messy hair. Now he's seen the sobbing mess that is me.

"You don't have to tell me how horrible I look, because i'm already aware of that." I told him and backed up and silently sat in the sofa with my hands in my lap, my eyes locked on him.

"No, I wasn't going to but.. You do look terrible, now that you mentioned it." A grin grew all over his features I wanted to throw a book into his stupid face.

"Are you serious? I didn't let you in here to hurt me, so please just leave if you are going to because i cannot handle more shit, especially not from you." I said a little more harshly than I thought I would.

"Did I do anything to hurt you?" He asked, looking a bit softer than usual.

"You just did, asshole." I said trying to insult him. I know I am not sober and in this drunken state I don't even try to think about what i am going to say, the words just pass my lips the second they come to my mind.

"No, I mean whilst we kissed, what did I do wrong?"

My knees became weak when he said 'we kissed,' good thing I wasn't standing up, because I would be lying on the floor. What is this? Seconds ago I wanted to insult him and throw a book into his face and now he makes my knees weak? This guy makes me feel every possible emotion.