you are not in wonderland ➵ poems

i am observed

You see my knuckles stained crimson,
Scabbed over from the wall I slammed
My fist against, in desperation to feel
Something other than the numbness

I disguise inside ordinary, jackal snarls
You would think not to question:
He is all right, you would tell yourself,
But my dear, you've never known such

Wrongness. You see my eye bruised
Purple - a darkened indigo from a
Fight; and time ago your body was
Painted with the same anger that

Planted fear, fear burning hot in
Your mind - you were ruled by this
But you failed to admit. You see my
Smile - all teeth and no feeling -

Lined by bloody lips and you tap your
Own in a way that says silently: wipe
Away the ichor, the madness, and
Everything that haunts me. (But

You cannot erase the evil ruling my
Dreams; I've been taught to control
It but I've never been a good learner.)
You see the King tend the wounds

On my arm and you're silent as he
Scolds how reckless I've been; the
Guilt crawls its way into a space in
My veins; your eyes hold their gaze

Upon mine, wanting to see inside.
You see what I am beyond disguise,
A monster murdered by a Saint, and
You kiss me like you're blind to the

Creatures I create. You see my fingers
Interlocked in a moment of stress: you
Offer a soft smile, a sweet glance; I
Let it all melt into something, nothing.