you are not in wonderland ➵ poems

what are you most afraid of?

My therapist once asked me, "What are you most afraid of?"

Him, I thought. Looking in the mirror and seeing him more and more, breathing and talking and thinking like he did. Letting what I didn't know he was overcome me, possess me, while there's nothing I can do about it. Feeling so afraid of being left that I leave myself, just like he did.

Instead, the words that left my lips were: "Death, I guess?"

But isn't it funny that they stand for the same things? Him and Death are very different words with very similar meanings. My life didn't start that day, I didn't have a new beginning or a rebirth of my mind - I died. Somewhere inside me hopes he did, too.