Fifty Shades Greener (Laurmani)

1

With the elevator door shut and Lauren on the other side. I break down again. I've never seen her cry before or even get close to it. She's always so guarded and hard. But there she was as a single tear rolled down her cheek, I'm not even sure if she had the heart to bring a hand up to wipe it away.

I quickly contain myself because elevator rides or short and I know Tony is waiting for me at the bottom. He greets me very timidly looking at my face in its entirety. Who knows what he's heard or what he knows. We make it to the car and he holds the door open for me. I climb inside, avoiding eye contact.

Embarrassment and shame washes over me. I'm a complete failure. I had hoped to drag my Fifty Shades into the light, but it proved to be a task beyond my abilities. She's too fucked up.

And now her fucked upness has me in a world of pain that I could have easily avoided if I wasn't stupid enough to fall in love with her.

The worst part was the ride home. The only thing I could do was stare blankly out of the window. How does one sit in a car silent, with no one to confide in after the horrible shocking of being brought into reality. The reality is that woman doesn't love me. She never will.

I always knew that heartbreak was a thing and I always knew that it would happen to me at least once in my life. It was a given. But this way? It wasn't supposed to happen like this and that's why it hurts so bad.

She was my first... everything. The first person to make my legs weak. The first person to get to hold me at night. The first person i've ever felt anything more for. The first person that got to make love to me.. scratch that. The first person that got to fuck me. HARD. In her words.

Not only was she my first for all of those things, she was my only. And my stupid ass is in the car holding in tears because I can't help but think that I will never find someone that I love as much as her. Someone that I crave as much as her.

Lauren Jauregui is a heartless, soulless robot.

Even as I say those words for some strange fucking reason I still don't believe them. Even though she did this to me, hurt me in this way... I still don't believe it.

The good.. oh god there was so much good. Playful Lauren is what I like to call the good. When she did cute things to try and make me smile or giggle. Those moments when she would be so gentle and caring for me. How she would hold me at night because I asked. How she would kiss me and bring her hand up to gently rub over the side of my face. How she always had this thing of holding my hand where ever we were.. maybe it was to let the world know that I'm hers.

Thinking about it, a blink sends down multiple tears that I've been doing so well at holding in since leaving the elevator. I quickly wipe them away. They keep coming and coming and coming. I've left my Lauren.

I quickly reach in my purse to grab some sun glasses and slide them on my face. But as we pull up at a stop light Tony grabs the handkerchief out of his suit pocket and reaches back, handing it to me.

"Thank you" I mutter softly as I grab it and this small act of kindness makes me fall apart. I sit back against the leather seats as just let go weeping and sobbing.

The gruesome ride is finally over and Tony opens the car door holding his hand out for me to grab and I do. I make it to the front door of my place and he's right there behind me with a bag, so polite as he waits for me scrambling in the bag for my keys. I can't see because of the shades and the tears taking over my eyes at once. I lift my shades to my forehead but still I'm just a wreck searching for my keys.