monsters || the walking dead - negan

XI

❝he loved her, but was too scared to submit himself to love. cause love is his weakness❞

❅

The brunette kept walking, away from the farm as he followed her; trying not to make a sound.

The girl sat down on a log, near a lake as she kept biting her nails. She was near the edge of crying, she couldn't believe that they are losing so many people, and they aren't coming back. Now as she had lost Dale, who was like a father to her; he loved and cherished her like his own daughter.

She put her face between her elbows; tears making their way out, silently falling down.

The man who had followed her, looked at the fragile girl; who always kept her head up high, now falling apart. He was sad, he almost felt her pain, they had a thing going on when they stayed at the camp before leaving to CDC. He could admit it, he still felt something for her, feeling the need to protect her.

Carefully making his way towards the log, he sat down pulling the brunette to his embrace as she kept crying.

"Why everyone I care about, dies? I-- I didn't want him to die! All of these people it was him.. I can't handle it, Shane. Not anymore." She yelled, clutching to his shirt as he rubbed her back.

"Shh.. We all will be there for you. No matter what don't forget that. I'll be there for you, Alicia. Always." Shane whispered, running his fingers through her tangled hair.

After about fifteen minutes she was sobbing, pulling out of his soothing embrace, she wiped her tears now laughing, making Shane raise his eyebrows. "Funny how a Dixon is crying. I can practically hear Merle's voice in my head; to stop being a bitch of someone dying."

Alicia opened her eyes slowly, she kept thinking the moments of when everyone was alive way back, when they all had each other. She hated to admit it, that Shane was important to her even when he was an asshole. The both of them had a hate/love relationship. One point they were all over each others throaths and the next they loved each other, cuddling and just talking about the things before the apocalypse.

To be honest, she missed him. He knew how to make her feel better, when she was sad or gloomy. But he also knew how to push the wrong buttons. 

Alicia sat down, running her hands on her face, as she glanced at the table seeing an empty tequila bottle and Negan passed out on the chair. She chuckled lightly but quickly frowned as she remembered what happened earlier. His words were on a replay all over again inside her head.

Was it just the alcohol? Why would he say that, there isn't another answer than the alcohol getting to him. Had he actually fell for her? None of it made sense, if he had. 

She sighed, looking at the man. He looked peaceful while sleeping, the annoying smile of his was gone. Instead he looked peaceful.  He actually looked like a person, not a murderer, which surprised her. But as he started stirring, a sign that he was about to wake up, the brunette quickly laid down; pretending to be asleep. To be honest, she didn't know how to face the man; who had said, he imagined her face while fucking another woman.

Negan opened his eyes slowly, groaning at the headache caused by hangover. Narrowing his eyes, he carefully lifted his head from the table, placing the back of his hand in front of his eyes, using it as a shield to block the sun rays.

He yawned, looking at the girl who was "sleeping", but of course he didn't know that she was pretending. He put his hand on his forehead, remembering what he had said earlier. "Fuck.." He mumbled quietly; trying not to wake the girl up.

He bit his nails, looking at the young Dixon. He didn't want her to be one of his wives. Honestly, Negan didn't know what he wanted from her, or why he took her in the first place. Was it just lust? Or the way she looked at him, how she had that fire in her eyes. He didn't want to think about the possibility that he had fallen for her. 

He isn't sure. He most likely feels vulnerable, this girl in his room was just too much to take in. Yesterday how she snapped at him, made him think a lot of things; such as how did she have the power to yell at him, slap his hand away. No one ever did that, so why could she do it? Why didn't he do anything about it? Why wasn't he angry with her?

Negan didn't know. Usually Negan didn't let anyone off the hook if they fucked up something, but how come the brunette he was now staring at had fucked up thousands times, but he had left her off the hook. He couldn't do it anymore, he can't.

Alicia now fake yawned, rubbing her eyes as she stood up trying to act as if she was tired. Her gaze landed on Negan and her face immediately hardened. "Oh it's the mighty Negan." She said sarcastically, as he held no emotion on his face. Just staring at the young girl in front of him.

Alicia frowned, as he continued to stare. Lifting her one eyebrow she chuckled nervously. "Okay.. Seems like cat got ya tongue."

Negan however still kept looking at her, just thinking does she have the right to say that shit to him? No she doesn't have any fucking right, to say that. "Shut the fuck up." He mumbled, clearly a bit angry.

Alicia raised her hands, confused. "Okay, I won't anger the big bad wolf." She didn't know what she had done to anger him. Yesterday everything seemed okay even though she had again fucked up and stood her ground.

Negan sighed, he had a hangover, still didn't know what to say since the words he had said yesterday were more than true. He couldn't get any pleasure from his wife, since all he was thinking about was this bipolar brunette.

"FUCKING HELL ALICIA." He yelled, slamming his hands on the table as Alicia flinched a bit, sighing as she sat down opposite to Negan. If she played her cards right, she might have a chance to escape with Colin.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly, leaning her chin on her palm. Negan lifted his head, as he waved her off. "Nothing."

Alicia now fiddling with her fingers, thinking of anything to say. As she was about to ask something Negan beat her up to it.

"Tell me about yourself before all of this." Negan said looking into her eyes, and she saw it. He wasn't the Negan they all feared now. He was someone else, this was a new side of him. And that surprised her.

"Yeah, my.. my life story isn't beautiful." She said, looking back to her hands, thinking if she should say anything or not. Tell the truth or not.

"Bet no ones was." Negan said, leaning back to the chair. "Tell me."

And with that, Alicia told him about everything. How she had family problems (of course she didn't tell him anything related to the scars), how they met Rick, the farm, governor, prison, Terminus.

Negan nodded, not realizing how much this girl has been through, and how broken she actually is. Deep inside of him, he wanted to fix her.

"What about those scars, Alicia?"

Sneak a peek to chapter  XII:

My thoughts consuming me.

It really sunk inside of my head now, just what have I done?