monsters || the walking dead - negan

𝙁𝙄𝙉𝘼𝙇𝙀

❝push and pull like a magnet do.❞

⚕

Negan stood up quickly walking to her bed as he started doing CPR. He was not ready to lose her. He was not ready to live without her.

"Ali, no! If you fucking die right now, you won't be able to eat that shitty ice cream!" He yelled desperately, but she couldn't hear his yells. Her walls came crumbling down, her lungs had failed, her heart had stopped beating.

"ALICIA THIS IS NOT A CHOICE YOU CAN MAKE!" Negan's yells echoed through out the Sanctuary as the doctor came in, pushing Negan away from her.

He started to try and save the girl but after seven long minutes, he stopped. "Time of death, 03:57 pm."

Negan however didn't accept it. He roughly pushed the doctor away and tried to save her himself. He wasn't going to give up. He didn't know what he would do without her. What is a king without his queen?

He slowly gave up, coming into a conclusion, that she was gone. His reason to live was gone. Her soul had left her body, and she wasn't in pain anymore.

"How'd it happen?" Negan asked, on the verge of crying. It felt like his soul was being played with. For once when he had something good, it just had to be taken from him. 

The doctor lifted her shirt, revealing the shot wound. "In this quick check up, I believe a fragment of the bullet was damaging her insides and then slowly her heart gave up."

Negan nodded, as the doctor patted his shoulder, before leaving the nursery. Negan was devastated.

"You almost made it." He whispered, holding his hand on his face, trying not to let the tears fall. He had to try and be strong. He didn't have a choice. "Almost.." He whispered to himself, looking at her dead, pale body.

He closed his eyes, remembering their every moment they spent together. How it felt to hold her in his arms. When they first slept together. When he first saw her. He realized it now. Negan didn't grow to love her. He had fallen in love with the first time they met on that clearing. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He only wanted her and he made sure of  that when he killed his wives. He slightly smiled at their memories, he wanted to go back in time. He wanted to do things differently. Alicia changed Negan in a way Negan never thought anyone could. She changed Negan for the better. He wasn't as angry as before, he wasn't moody or bipolar as often. Maybe Alicia Dixon was his guardian angel. An angel who had to return back to heaven after fulfilling her mission.

It had been maybe even hours already, as Negan kept staring at the girl. Every now and then tears fell down his cheeks but he quickly wiped them away. He was vulnerable too, even the one whose 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 controlled him, he had feelings too. He has feelings.

His hope was almost lost until he thought he saw movement in her ring finger. And he was right. Her fingers started slowly twitching, as she came back to life. He heard her rugged breathing.

He stood up, walking to her. He waited and waited for minutes until her eyes opened. Dull, lifeless. He held her down by her chest, as he had tied down her legs and arms. Her eyes had been drained of the once crystal blue color. 

His hope was lost. She is back for sure, but long gone.

He smiled down at her, as Alicia Dixon's lifeless eyes looked into his brown orbs. Slowly she started snarling at him, trying to sink her teeth into his flesh.

Negan however kept smiling. He pulled his knife from his leather holster, holding it loosely in his hand. "Hi sleepyhead.." He muttered, before letting out a strangled, sad chuckle. He was crying by now, seeing her like this was his worst nightmare. But all nightmares will come true.

He never wanted to see her like this. Seeing her as one of those cannibals who had no feelings, remorse.. nothing. It pained him, and he felt the pain inside his heart. As if something was poking it with a really sharp needle.

"All happy things must come to an end.." He muttered, sniffing a bit. He slowly lifted the knife, placing it on her temple. He didn't want to kill her. But he knew he had to do it. Alicia would've wanted it to be Negan himself.

He slowly pushed the knife into her head, and as it reached her brains, her snarling stopped. Her head fell to the pillow, her tied up arms doing the same. Negan pulled the knife out, caressing her cheek.

"I love you."

● ● ●

It had been a few days after Alicia had moved on. After the burial Negan slowly closed himself off. He was violent, on every scavenge he went on, he killed every single one of them he saw. He didn't care.

He gave her, her peace.

Negan slumped down on the couch in his room, holding a bottle of tequila. Why tequila? Because it brought memories of Alicia, happy memories.

He stood up, throwing the bottle to the wall as it smashed into tiny pieces of glass. He screamed, a scream he had held back for these days of his paining agony.

He walked to the freezer, opening it slowly. Taking out an object, he looked at it before throwing it away. He was going to kill the doctor for not trying harder. As he walked out of the door, the round object kept rolling on the tiles of the floor until it hit the wall.

It was vanilla icecream.