South Shields

Chapter 46

- JADE -

"Jade?" I hear Perrie's voice from the doorway. She's looking at me where I lay on my bed. I put my laptop on the night stand and sit up straight.

"What is it?" I ask her. "Is it dinner time?"

"No. I came here to just talk, actually." she says as she walks across the room. She sits down at the end of the bed and her eyes meet mine. "That's why I even bothered to come here, remember?" continues.

"Yeah." I laugh. I cross my legs to sit more comfortable. I feel like this will be kind of deep, because Perrie usually doesn't do "talks".

"So... I've been a little... confused about the relationship that we have. I feel like there's some tension that makes it a bit hard to be friends the way we should be friends, if you understand." Perrie begins. I nod to show her I listen, but I'm not sure I really understand what she means. I think we have a great friendship. Is this something that only she feels? Have I done something wrong?

"I think it has to do with your feelings for me." she continues, and then quickly adds: "If you still have feelings for me. I think they make me feel unsure how to act around you, or something like that."

"Okay..." I quietly respond.

"So? Do you still have feelings for me?" she asks, desperate for an answer that will make her calm down.

"Honestly..." I begin before I know how to continue. I could tell her no to not make her feel guilty for choosing Lucas over me, but at the same time that is not the truth. I still have feelings for Perrie, but I've put them aside. I know they're there, I just haven't let myself show them to anyone. Not even myself.

- PERRIE -

"Honestly..." Jade begins, but then doesn't continue. Then... What? She's thinking about what to answer me. Is she unsure? Will she tell me the truth or lie? I don't know what to expect from Jade.

Then, finally, she has figured out what to respond.

"The truth is that my feelings for you are still there. They have been the whole time, but I've been trying to hide them from you and for myself. It's clear you chose Lucas over me and still do, so the last week I guess I've been trying to get over you." Her eyes go from meeting mine to observing her toes. I guess she's a bit nervous. She continues:

"It hurt a lot, you know, to not be chosen. And when you did it again, even after we slept together, I started to lose hope you'd ever choose me. But Perrie," Now she looks into my eyes agin. She shifts her position so she gets closer to me. I feel my eyes watering. Her words fill me with guilt. How could I ignore Jade's feelings all this time? How could I not devote one single thought and ask her if she felt good? I knew she had these feelings for me, but still I didn't care about how she felt.

She grabs my hands and holds them gently when she sees my face. "No, Perrie. I'll be fine, it's okay. Don't cry, Pez." With the back of her hand she wipes the tears away from my eyes.

"How could I be such a bad friend, Jade? I never even cared about how you felt?" I cry.

"What? It's okay."

"No it's not!" I disagree. "You told me you liked me more than a friend, and then I decided I'd move into your apartment and not even care about how you felt. How messed up is that?!" I am truly angry now. How could I be so blind?

"Perrie! You were a great friend, and you still are. I couldn't have asked for a better friend." Jade tries to comfort me, but I don't believe her. She must be so disappointed in me and my behaviour during the entire time we've known each other.

"I'm not! Jade, why have you put up with me all this time? And why didn't you tell me I was an asshole?" I cry out. I feel my hands shaking and my breath getting faster.

"Calm down Perrie." Jade tells me. She tries to look me in the eyes, but somehow I can't keep my gaze at one single spot. "Perrie, come here." she says. She wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly. I try to get loose, but her grip is tight.

"Shh... Calm down." Jade comforts me. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I'm panting from my rant, but my breath starts to slow down now. As I wrap my arms around Jade's neck, I start to feel safe again.

"You're my best friend, Perrie. And I love you for that. That's enough." Jade says. She looks me in the eyes, and I know she means it. I ask her if she's sure anyways.

"Absolutely." she answers. I smile at her, she smiles back.

We look each other in the eyes. With other people it would feel awkward, but with Jade it doesn't. With Jade I feel like we're connectiong, bonding, as we look each other in the eyes. I feel like I'm seeing her, the true her, through her eyes.

Then, out of nowhere, I do the thing I didn't even knew I thought about.

(Some of you wanted a sequel, so I'll write one for you, yay! :D Hope you like this part xx )