This Isn't Like Me

Chapter 4: Falling

This Isn't Like Me, Part 4

I open my eyes in a vaguely unfamiliar room. I sit up on my elbows and realize I'm naked. Completely naked. Panic fills my veins for a moment until I realize where I am, who I'm with.

I look over at the olive-brown man laying beside me. His face is buried in the pillows, spirals of dark hair falling around his face. My brain is saying all the things that I would never let it say, that I never thought it would ever say again, since my parents died.

I lean over the side of the bed and grab one of his white t-shirts, slipping the fabric over my head. I think of last night, him holding me in his arms. The passion between us. The fear that I partially overcame. I lay down, facing him.
"Saul." I say, placing my hand on his muscular forearm. "Saul?" I say again, softly. His head turns in my direction but his eyes remain closed. I scoot closer to him and wrap one of my legs around his under the silk sheets, attempting to catch his attention. I shake his arm gently. "Hmm?" He mumbles, a little sleepy smile appearing on his face. "Wake up." I urge. His eyelids flutter open and he looks at me with those sparkly, brown eyes. He frowns as he holds the sleeve of the t-shirt I'm wearing between his thumb and forefinger. "I was cold." I state. He just grins.

His hands find their way underneath the shirt and grip my bare waist, pulling me against himself. "How'd I get so lucky?" He asks, his words slurred with sleep as he looks at me. "What?" I question. "You were all I wanted after that night at my party." He explains as he brushes my dark blonde hair out of my face. "I was crazy about you and I didn't know why. The boys thought I was insane, as you heard from Steven." He chuckles. "I carried your book around with me just hoping I'd run into you and we'd make a connection. I wrote that note when I woke up after that night. I felt stupid, but I somehow felt this attachment to you that I really didn't understand and just couldn't seem to shake."

He sits up as he finishes. I sit up too, staring at my hands as I try to process this. I feel that familiar urge to run, to hide. The feeling I've always gotten when I feel like someone is getting too close. I force myself to ignore it.

My brain doesn't understand how someone could feel that for me. There's nothing special about me. I'm irritable and explosive and unstable. I keep people away from me because I don't want to hurt them. How could someone feel that way about me?

"What're you thinking?" Saul asks, breaking the silence as he softly touches my cheek with his thumb. "Nothing." I reply. He frowns a little but leaves the subject alone. "Want some coffee?" He asks. "Sure!" I say, trying to cheer up.

"Do you have pants I could wear?" I ask. "Yeah I think so, one second." He says, stretching before standing up and walking over to a stained wood dresser in the corner. He rummages through several of the drawers and finally pulls a pair of women's shorts out. They're grey and look stretchy. I frown. Why would he have women's shorts in his dresser? He seems to read my mind, "It's not what you think, they're Duff's ex-girlfriend's and she left them here when they spent the night once." He explains. "Did you have a threesome or something?" I ask. He grins. "Nah, I let them sleep in my room so they could... Have some privacy. And she left 'em in here." He tosses them to me.

I slip them on quickly, they fit me pretty well. "So, some coffee?" He asks as he walks around the side of the bed to stand in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He doesn't seem deterred by my reserved natural. That's kind of refreshing. "Yeah!" I smile.

We walk into his small kitchen and I sit on the counter as he begins to make the coffee. I notice how he's always brushing his curls out of his face, how his bottom lip naturally pouts just a little. The way his short legs move as he walks back and forth from the stove to the cupboard.