This Isn't Like Me

Chapter 13: Nightmares

(1 month later)

    "He's been distant. I don't know, it's like some days we're... alright, others all we do is fight." I answer Emma's questioning as we sit in the back of Cuvée on her lunch break. I absentminded move my salad around on the plate with my fork. "It's been a month, you'd think something would've gotten better by now." She comments before taking a bite of her burger. "Sometimes it feels better... sometimes it feels so much worse."  I mutter. "Does he still leave all the time?" She asks. "Mmhmm, some days I don't see him at all. That's usually when we end up fighting, when he comes home." I reply.

     Emma's manager, a slender woman with a slightly harsh temperament, pops her head into the room. "Emma, your break was over five minutes ago." She snaps before walking away loudly, her heels clacking with every step. "No shit, Mrs. Linton" Emma mutters, rolling her eyes. We stand up and clear our plates into the disposal. We walk back out into the restaurant and Emma grabs her apron from behind the bar. "I'll see you later!" I say as I walk towards the exit. "Bye!" She replies.

      When I get home, Saul is laying on the couch watching tv. "Hey." I say, as close the door. "Hey babe." He says quickly, not looking up. "You got any plans tonight? I thought we could go have dinner or something, y'know since it'll be our 5 months tomorrow." I ask, already knowing the answer. "Oh sorry I can't, told Steven I'd go over there. We might work on some new music with Ax or something." He replies. "Oh... no that's ok." I reply, trying to sound upbeat.

      I retreat to our room. I walk over to Lucille's terrarium and take her out. I let her weave herself around my arm as I walk back to the bed and sit down. "What are we gonna do about our boy?" I ask her. She looks at me, her black eyes somehow sympathetic as if to say if she could help, she would. "I wish he'd just talk to me." I mutter. "He just pisses me off." I say, getting irritated. "He's being so damn stupid! He knows he's being stupid, and yet he refuses to let anyone help him." I stand up and put Lucille back in her tank. She feeds off of emotion and an irritable snake isn't something you want to be holding. I lay down on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

     Hours pass and I'm still somehow laying there. So much is on my mind, I've had no shortage of things to think about. "I'm leavin' now, Sparrow."  Saul calls before I hear the front door close.

     I decide to take a drive, clear my head. The stars are bright above me as I walk out to My Michelle. I jump in and start the ignition. This big, beat up truck has felt like safe haven to me in these past months.

     I head towards the western mountains. The stars blink quietly above the city, watching every soul in this huge metropolis. I feel tiny, and I like that. Something about it makes me feel grounded, like this isn't the worst thing that's happening in this world right now, even though it may feel like it.

     Once I'm as far up the mountain as I can go by vehicle, I park on the side of the road. It's pitch black as I bumble around my front seat, reaching and trying to find my flashlight. I manage to open the glovebox and retrieve it.

      Guided by the beam of light, I make my way to the top. As I take the last step up to the high point the wind hits me and I smile.  It feels so free, for just a moment I forget all my troubles.

      I notice a figure about 20 feet away. Fear grips me suddenly, I'd have nowhere to go if it was some sort of creep. No one would even hear me if I screamed. I breakout into a panicked sweat. I switch off the flashlight and start to make my way back down the mountain. The figure moves and stands up. Chills run down my spine and I stifle a gasp. I crouch behind a big rock, staying as quiet as possible. The all too familiar anxiety grips me, forcing me to shake uncontrollably.