This Isn't Like Me

Chapter 15: Letters from Hell

     I wake the next morning and roll over, Saul's side of the bed is empty. A frown automatically hits my features. I roll back over and force myself to sit up. "Babe?" I say as I throw my legs over the side of the bed. No response.

     I walk out of our room and see Saul in front of the stove in the small kitchen. I walk towards him, stepping lightly so he won't hear me. I stop right behind him and cover his eyes with my hands. I feel him jump a little. "Hmm, who could that be?" He says, I can hear the grin painted on his lips. "Guess." I reply. He turns around, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against him. He kisses me softly, sending an amazing numbness through my limbs, just like the first time we kissed not 20 feet away from where we are right now. I smile as he pulls away. "Hey, I love you." I tell him. "I love you too." He answers.

       I pull myself onto the counter beside the stove. "I missed mornings like this." I say. "Me too." He replies as he pours coffee into two mugs. He pours just the right amount of sugar into mine and hands it to me. I grab a spoon and stir it absentmindedly. He pours an ample amount into his and then creamer. "That's not coffee, baby, that's like hot chocolate." I chuckle. "Well it tastes better than what you've got there." He teases as he lifts himself onto the counter next to me.

      "Do you remember when we first met?" He asks. "No. Not at all." I reply, sarcastically. "C'mon, seriously. What were you thinking when you first met me?" He asks, looking at me. "Um, well I remember thinking you were really handsome." I smile, laying my head on his shoulder as I try to think. "And I remember being scared when you first came in to the room because I thought you'd get mad that I was in there. But you weren't, you were so sweet. And I remember trying not to let you make me smile... which was hard." I elaborate, a small grin on my face as I reminisce. That all feels like a whole lifetime ago, I barely feel like the same person I was then.

      "Wanna know what I was thinking?" He asks. "Obviously." I say. "Ok well, this is gonna sound bad but there was this girl I was trying to bang at that party and she'd been ignoring me for weeks but I was determined to show her how great I actually was at that party..." "What?" I lean back, an annoyed expression on my face as I look at him. "No, no babe, just let me finish." He defends himself.

     "Ok so anyway there was that girl and she was actually kind of a bitch but all the boys had bet me I couldn't make it with her and that she'd never like me. And that was my whole focus for that party. But anyway, the party was getting to be a little much because, well, you know how I get. And so I was gonna go hold Lucille for a few minutes and relax.

     But then you were in there... and this next part is gonna sound really cheesy but I promise it's the truth. I saw your face... and I swear I completely forgot about that other girl. All together. I remember thinking you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. And then when you talked and you were kind of rude" He pauses and laughs softly.

     "Well, it drew me to you even more. Because I knew that even if the boys had bet me I couldn't sleep with you and even if I'd set out to prove them wrong... I knew that there was no way in hell I'd be sleeping with you unless you really wanted me. And then we actually talked a little and I kept seeing this small pieces of who you really were, when you let your guard down just a little, and I just felt like I had to get to know you." He looks at me as he finishes. My eyes fill with tears, "Saul, that's so sweet!" I exclaim, hugging him. He wraps his arms around my shoulders as I rest my head on his.

     "How's it feel to have your band signed?" I ask, grinning at him. "Pretty fuckin' great." He smiles. "So what set that Tom guy apart from the others that wanted you all?" I ask. "I don't know, he really just didn't care how rowdy and wild we are, and he didn't want to change our music at all which is obviously our biggest thing."