This Isn't Like Me

Chapter 6: Rock Bottom

•SAUL'S POV•

I feel hopeless as I walk away from her door, wondering if I'll ever get her back. Her words cut deep. I sit down in my beat up Subaru, resting my head against the steering wheel. I remember that I'm supposed to go over to Axl's to meet the boys. I start the car and drive away from the only the place I want to be right now, with Sparrow.

I walk up the flight of stairs to Axl's apartment, fighting back tears as I see her in my mind. I can see her smiling face, laughing at me as I do something goofy. I can see her looking at me out of the corner of her eye when she thinks I'm not looking. I can see her dancing in the shop, that day when I took her book, she thought I hadn't seen her. Have I lost all of that? How am I ever supposed to find someone like her, there's no one else like her on earth. I don't want anyone but her.

I walk into his apartment. "Slash!" Steven exclaims as close the door behind me. Seeing his bright smile cheers me up just a little. "Hey Popcorn!" I say, trying to sound enthusiastic but instead my voice cracks with emotion. I sit down and look over at Duff, who's already looking at me with concern on his face. All the boys can read me better than most people but Duff can usually tell exactly how I'm feeling by just seeing my face. He inches closer to me and leans against my shoulder, "It'll be alright bud." He says to me quietly, so only I can hear it. I nod halfheartedly. Steven practically bounces over to me, "What's wrong?" He asks as he sits down on the other side of me. "I just miss her, I tried to go to her apartment today, to maybe try to reason with her, but she screamed at me." I explain. Izzy shakes his head a little, a sad look on his face. "I'm sorry Slash, Em is feeling the same way right now, Sparrow won't answer any of her calls. She's worried sick." "You and Emma should start a club and call it 'We Got Screwed Over By Sparrow.' Axl says. I glare at him for a moment, "She can't help it, man." I say, defending her. "I know, I know, just tryna lighten the mood." He replies. "I know, I'm sorry, I'm just upset." I say, knowing he didn't mean anything by it.

"How're you gonna get her back?" Axl asks. "I don't know." I admit. "We'll think of somethin'." Duff says, nudging me with his shoulder. I sure hope so.

•SPARROW'S POV•

I miss him. I wake from another night of fitful sleep and staring at the ceiling with that thought in my head, like always. I miss his advice and his reassuring words. He was the only person that could calm me during an anxiety attack. I miss his croaky voice and how he always told me not to call him Mr. Invicta. He was the only person I've ever met that's made me feel free to be whoever I want.

Saul pops into my head but I push the thought awake quickly. This is all his fault.

My apartment is always dark now. I covered the windows with heavy blankets so no one could see inside. My fridge is nearly empty even though I eat next to nothing. I don't even know how long it's been since he's been gone.

"Brian I need to talk to you." I say nervously as we sit on his couch. "What is it?" He asks, unsuspectingly. I've just had this feeling lately that we're not right for each other. I don't feel comfortable around him anymore. "I... I think we should break up." I say, my stomach in knots. "What?! Why?!" He exclaims. "I just don't think we're right for each other." I begin. "That's bullshit Sparrow!" His face is red and it's scaring me. I didn't think he'd get this upset. "We're... we're just not meant to be." I say. "Bullshit!" Suddenly his arms are around my waist and he's kissing me hard. I pull back, "Brian stop it." I say, trying to squirm away from him. He ignores me and keeps kissing me, his hands caressing my breasts. He's scaring me. "Brian, fucking stop it!" I exclaim, kneeing him in the stomach as hard as I can in this awkward position. He doesn't. He pushes me down onto his couch and yanks my shirt off. I'm writhing around trying desperately to get away from him. My shorts follow soon after. He's on top of me now, holding me still and I feel hopeless. Tears are streaking down my cheeks now, "Stop, please." I beg. He doesn't.